Looking back at my childhood I can see I never wanted to leave home; I never saw anything wrong with my family. I would never look at my past. My past was not a solvable problem and seemed to have no influence on my present behavior. Now that idea seems so strange to me. I now know why that is so. I controlled myself unconsciously so I would not see my dysfunction and my families dysfunction: immobilized breathing is a fantastic way of staying unresponsive.
Orgonomic breathing streams the Orgone and opens oneself to ones past.
Orgonomic breathing streams the Orgone and opens oneself to ones past.
Finding the answer to my headache that has begun in the last year, has led me to explore my progression of finding how my headache, my character, my armor, my addictions are symptoms of my pathology.
Today I woke with my typical tension in my occiput region, that is above the collar of my shirt: that tension caused my headache and I knew I was unconsciously contracting those muscles. The muscles tightening through the top of my head compressed the nerves, and the blood vessels, caused severe pain. Laying there I experienced my shallow breathing, and the tension, the holding, the contraction that began telling me that I won't express myself. I knew I was tense, succeeding in not experiencing something. I would have to use what Orgone Therapy taught me to get rid of that headache. Why, why, and then as I said to myself I won't, it reminded me again what I would have to do if I didn't want to be in pain. Orgone Therapy had an answer for my living coma. "Say I won't", said Dr. Rinn. Over and over I said I won't. No info to what that meant; I kept on with the I won't, saying it made me feel better, and after years, ultimately it brought me back to my original template, my difficult birth that I had closed down and did not want to experience.
The initial template of being born by a very armored mother, combined with circumcision and followed by neglect, and my withdrawal was seen as being a good boy. Quiet no trouble for the parents. And you bet if I knew anything I was going to hide, as not to be hurt by neglect: what was neglect?
The difficulty for me was the distasteful humans, and being small I didn't dare revolt, when I did I got beaten: I felt more than scared, I was invisible. My reaction was as the
possum. I would keep that modus operandi that would become my character. A sleepy good boy with moments of excitements combined with tantrums, anger. Over years I would experience my past, yes all the way back to when I wouldn't express the pain, my rage. I once again realized I was the master of hiding from myself.
Waiting for me was the Gestalt of the baby, the child, the teenager who was holding himself so tight, by not breathing, by not knowing how to express his disgust, his anger, my rage. Finally to be-woken up and to express myself finally. Orgone Therapy taught me emoting, appropriate emoting took away my headache, and lessened my need for my addictions: food and unconnected sex. Orgone Therapy is dynamic.
Today I know what to do when that habit of hiding returns which is often when I sleep. Waking to my dreams where I am facing my isolation, my lack of connection that I know in the repose of sleep, I will not fight, rage, but instead hold to resting, and pleasure, and no one will mess with my pleasure. Yet when waking I need to emote against the deniers, the abusers, and that is the key. Without the expression the musculature remains armored, stiff and intelligence is static. For in the anxiety of doing nothing lies impotence. Luckily for me my karma led me to Dr. Rinn a great Therapist, a Doctor of Gestalt Therapy, and master of Orgone Therapy.
Armored people are flat water, and Orgone is carbonated, alive. I see people as windows and most have all there windows closed, shut tight. In Orgone Therapy the windows will open inch by inch and sometimes they close back up. Letting the Orgone through the armor allows a whole person to emerge.
