Vision

Walking with his mother
At eight he goes down on one knee.
And up as quickly.
Now trying to rise, arms outstretched
He remembers.
The bird left through the front door.
Rising.
He stands straight.

at the end you are not in control

Get nervous. Learn fear. Death is an unknown. Don't know how to express fear
and the awesome streamings in the body that will come. Better learn. That shaking, movement of energy moving through the body is the earthquake of repressed feelings finally erupting. God knows those new feelings will feel like a hurricane. Go with the wind: the energy is you. Let those streamings go and the warm glow of balance will return. Got to learn and practice how to feel because dying will waken all your feelings, and my guess is fear will need to be expressed big time.
All you have is your filtering perceptions. Will they be there when your dead? Will the memories be there? 

I accepted life with my nuclear family would never change and what never changed was my stilled energy. Just accepted  everything cause you got beaten
or isolated: do not accept. Recognize that you (I) feel unsatisfied. If I would protest or question my parents way of being the isolation would get loud.

Now there is a load of repressed, stored, unexpressed feelings  moving through my body; those  streamings will feel weird, horrible, run from them. That's what I do. In fact lay down on the bed and run. Breathe hard go with it. Now if you think this description is strange, actually if you got this far you don't. Feeling energy in your body is your birthright. Not feeling the streamings is actually horrible; it's just that's what our culture, family wants.
Ignorance is not bliss: it is the wrapping on addiction.
Breathe my brothers and sisters. 

Control and Opening the Door

The mask is a possum for me. How does the mask become known?
How does the mask equal a lump of coal? How does deadening of the feelings occur?
No movement of energy in the body is like a mask; the mask is a cover up for hidden guerrilla
anger. As a baby the only way to survive is to become the possum, to hide, to cry is to illicit anger or confused responses. What does the babies crying mean? By putting on a mask
the mask saves your life and the mask reassures everyone that all is well.
The flat smiling baby begins his new journey seeking who am I.

I have pondered pictures of the door and the door symbolic significance for a while.
Today I see the door as a symbol of my stilled energy. The door is me deciding not to experience my dysfunctional world. As a baby I began the process of closing down my breathing, dulling my feelings; flatlining my expressions so as not to make myself too visible to myself or my world: life was to dangerous. Becoming that lump of coal is safe.

Freud got sublimation right. Not knowing how to find satisfaction one finds escape in sublimation fulfilling. Sublimation a better form of addiction. Not as dangerous also accepted often applauded.
One of the most insidious ways of sublimation is to give up your life for your children. Because knowing how to feel is so hidden and obscure and prevalent in our society and approved you can substitute your focus onto children and forget your unhappiness.


Work another great substitution. Survival and children what better escapes, and necessary. Sublimation like addiction focuses oneself outside the flow of self regulated streaming of the Orgone(energy).
The pulse of energy lies ready to emerge. Behind that closed door initially lies
bursting uncontrollable energy; like a sudden flood.
A Orgonomist needs to be there to lead you to safety.
The door holds the energy flat. The flatness and disappearance of feeling invisibly holds the pain of rejection. To feel is to be punished. 

Telling the truth is
the first step to losing control of the fantasy that you are in control. Acknowledging that you do not know how the truth will affect anybody's response begins the magical scary movement of feeling life's streaming flow of energy. Easy to say, difficult to want to experience. Loss of control is exciting but now the vortex of memory surfaces and the emotions of previous non controllable moments envelope you. Loss of control can bring on the panic of previous memories affecting the present. Not prepared for the frenzy of these panicked emotions or the ability or the tools to understand we panic, we fall back to previous addictive behaviors to take away feeling in all its vulnerabilities. Ultimately if you get through the panic without exercising drug control or other types of control than you awaken on the shore of the Scifi nature of our
growing pulsating being.

Emotional Plague, the emotional web that inflicts all of us. The emotional plague a term coined
by Dr. Reich to signify deep rooted emotional sickness that like a virus spreads invisibly
through human contact. Not wanting to see our parents, doctors, everyone dysfunctions
we join them by wrapping our energetic streams in knots blocking our flow of self awareness.
With the help of an Orgonomist who with the help of Dr. Reich's  Orgone Therapy can slowly prod
the unwrapping of the energy. This process is slow and dangerous. No one wants to feel how screwed up they are, and how lost they are. Panic begins to happen at the first sign of this ragged truth. Not remembering how to express fear causes the panic. The fear has unconscious memories that one instinctively repressed of not being cared for and that your survival is dependent on adults that mean well in there dysfunction.
Babies (also adults in emergencies) defense is to close off the fear till there is time to be safe. Now during other fear inducing experiences as an adult the repressed fear will begin to emerge and you will panic because no one has taught or modeled for you how to feel. Panic is bursting Orgone.


The web of feeling has no floor and going with the stream of energy is new.
Accept the panic, express the fear, and trust your energy will slowly lead you to the next feeling. Remember what you, me practiced, tried in Therapy, now use the panic to remember the past.
Seeking understanding is a worthy pursuit and  achieved after allowing feelings to move through our organism.

New day

Every breath I take I give thanks to Dr. Reich and Dr. Rinn; Dr. Reich discovered how to unlock feelings in human beings and for Dr. Rinn for being wise and patient. Believe me Dr. Rinn saved my life by applying Dr. Reich's amazing Orgone therapy. Not only was I a middle class brat but an ex hippie wannabe rebel going nowhere. Soon to walk into a truck or a violent relationship. 

Addiction and denial were in every one of my breaths. I was frozen: couldn't let go and experience the natural expression of laughter without drugs. I felt so weird; felt so strange. When my ex wife who was seeing a Orgone Therapist laughed so deeply I knew I needed to see Dr. Rinn.

Addiction. If You or I could experience our flow of pulsating energy without freaking out both of us would be not only free of addiction but also have a satisfied and happy life. So much for wishes.

With every breath energy is taken in and stimulates the release of energy in the body.

How does the energy feel? Like a tingling. Like you belong. Like a bird lifting within you. Like the gentle roll of the ocean. Like a large amoeba pulsing and weirdly conscious.

Our energy should rise and fall like a wave: the in breath similar to falling wave and the out breath the upward swell of the wave all producing the rise and fall of the pulsating orgone within us. Unlocking the movement within us is the work: if love is rarer than gold it's because becoming Orgone aware is the job of a lifetime. Though every step feels good.

What holds one back becoming this new person?

Learning to express your feelings is like being born anew except tearing down ones armor is

letting go of the character that has stabilized and saved your life. Floating in Orgone sounds good but for the emotional plagued it a journey that makes conquering Everest seem easy.

But the view from half way is spectacular.

Orgone

We stand on the shoulders of giants, and I owe all to Dr. Reich and Dr. Rinn; thank you again for your teachings
The time travel we need to go on is a Pandora's ride to knowing oneself.

Energetically muscles contract forming a persona that others see
as charming or threatening. The character becomes invisible to the wearer and holds in different parts of the movement of the Orgone.  Depending on the expression the energy will be still to panicky It all started when in defense of your integrity you compressed that whole 3 D consciousness of yourself; than you forgot you even had energy and thought only of your existence as it related to your thoughts. Not knowing, not feeling, not being able to share who you are makes life unsatisfying and our search to find meaning alludes us.

Ones character and why it is formed is invisible to oneself. Born a sweet innocent, the character is formed as a defense to get you through
a child's tough times. The character holds the energy in place. The character does not want to change.The character has served a function of protecting you. The character is the thread you sewed to stop awareness. Why is losing control with booze, drugs, food, sex inappropriately so prevalent in our world?

Losing control unlocks ones character and unlocks the Orgone(energy) to allow the energy to finally flow; often producing addictive pleasure. Addictions can't get enough of losing control. Finally feeling a release from holding all the awareness still, one seeks that release in addiction again. Addiction in releasing some Orgone is life saving. Caught in a matrix of anorgonia (Dr. Reich's name for the collapses Orgone) the stillness stops Orgone: addiction becomes a necessary evil and difficult to stop. 

 Dr. Reich warned that the process of releasing the control on what he called our economy is a very difficult journey. Born a sweet innocent the character is formed as a defense to get you through
a child's tough times. It is a complex journey that disturbs our hard fought forgotten instincts that helped us survive our childhood but does not work as an adult looking for a satisfied life. How to access ones initial sweet self by expressing distorted feelings in a safe setting is the complex job of therapy. Learning new ways to find satisfaction through Love, Work, and Knowledge is the core teachings of Dr. Reich.

Forget Words

O.C.D.. Obsession compulsion disorder. I hear a lot of gab lately about this or that friend who showing signs of O.C.D.. O.C.D. has become so popular that one can say O.C.D. and people know what you mean. For most of us O.C.D. is a compulsion to wash your hands continuously. The person has become fixated and concerned about germs. It is easy
to understand why; just visit any hospitable and one will see Purell anti bacterial lotion in every corner; even to the extant hundreds of mats on the floor with the word Purell on it. In every pocketbook
there is a bottle. I do think this is an example of profit combining with obsession.
The panic is palpable. O.C.D. is everywhere. Of course bacteria is a concern but obviously Purell
has not stopped the spread of disease.

I had a great thought. Two minutes later I can not remember that thought. I'm sure if I can remember that thought I would be OK. Thoughts, words are a dead end street.

Words are useless for changing behavior. Unless those words have emotion behind them. There only good if those words tell you to forget words. You will forget the words when you are struggling with behavior. It's addictive behavior that is our mystery.

The energy moves invisibly
in your body and gives you a feeling. Or perhaps it's the drink that releases some locked up feeling or you slam the door. The energy is moving  and you feel a little better

Most of us become good at denying that we have problems. Are we not the same as everyone else: struggling to make a living to find our way. Yet in this denial we pick up addictions to give us a little relief. A relief from controlling the misery that locks our muscles and awareness into frozen breathing and concrete armor. No feelings, no doubt, no satisfaction.

Where does abuse and addiction begin.
If your lucky these days not to be born with a Cesarean section Now aren't scheduled births convenient. The child becomes the toy for the mother or more accurately an addiction to fulfill mother). Vulnerable, totally dependent, unbelievably sensitive, the baby is assaulted with
the typical birth abuses. Confused the baby goes into shock. But yet if the mother is warm and
loving and if the mother's breasts are excited with milk perhaps there is hope.

The babies energy could make a rush to the surface and 
pleasure can make confusion clear: feeling right and safe the baby doesn't need answers. The problem lies with the mother.

Everything can go wrong but if the mother can give herself to the baby there is hope.
In other words the mother must love being sucked by the baby or the baby withdraws.

The baby has taken some control of his life at a tremendous cost. Control feels like you can survive and often during your life control is the difference between life and death.  Control is a necessary skill that all of us need to wear like a coat . A coat that is up to us to put on or take off. The problem with control is when control starts at an early age and gets reinforced by further trauma than control becomes chronic and becomes a character formation. Control that is chronic stimulates a need for addictive release because it is not removable by the individual except by outside addictive lifestyle. 

The movement of energy as feelings is a paradigm that is intrinsic to satisfaction, well being, and health. The movement of Orgone, energy  and its release should direct our life; Orgone movement is who we are. Stopping, frustrating, the movement of Orgone results in confusion, and a search for some form of energetic expression, often addiction.

The Problem of Pleasure

The movement of Orgone within my body is often invisible. Yet that movement drives every one's life. Once I began feeling that movement I realized consciously or unconsciously, I sought out ways to feel the pleasure,or feared the pleasure of the Orgones(Energy) movement.

Early in my childhood I protected myself like a possum: that is forgetting myself by being in a fantasy of thought, and not feeling the movement of energy to the surface. Taking that detour of thought leads to a detour that leads to addiction. Because one way or another I had to feel pleasure and pleasure does not come without the body. 

Experiencing pleasure without control: a spontaneous baby has simple controls: feeling pleasure or closing down or crying. Often the baby will cry till he or she gives up or holding all energy still so to avoid anymore attention from the world outside himself that is causing the child to withdraw: the fear of expression causes armor. Embedded is our past is the horrifying trauma of total rejection.

Every time I feel pleasure, the movement
of Orgone to the surface of my body, reminds the adult of trying to control that feeling like I did as a child. Control is the pressure cooker: we're Jack in the Boxes waiting to pop. When adults take away a child's normal being which is instinctual contact resulting in pleasure than the organism goes into shock, than more shock resulting in a deceptive child:
seeking to hide from their own self, the child also hides from the world. Addictions circumvents the memory: Addictions are short lived fixes that give temporary pleasure.

Reaching out from myself to you is pleasurable. My writing is entertainment. Entertainment will remind you of pleasure. The reminder will illicit dim memories of our initial denial of pleasure and that primal rejection is infuriating. Please be warned that analysis without affect(Emotion) can illicit further denial. Only therapy not words on paper can reduce or eliminate addictions.

Emotional Plague

No doubt the emotional plague is in me. The emotional plague a name given to the sickness that inhabits the people of our world. Basically because our emotions
are either non existent or so twisted and unconscious we go about in a protective fog. While we torture ourselves and our loved ones by misdirecting our anger to find some relief from the pain of too much energy and not enough lovely release.

Know does not come from a book. Knowledge comes from knowing yourself. And here's the rub: lost in the ignorance and the Plague how do you know yourself?  You need a great therapist.
Also just about as hard, you also must want therapy: easier than it sounds. Evolution is God manifested slow agony. Why so damn slow?

Enlightenment that is sudden turns you into a raving lunatic. Realization of how
much Plague is in you can cause tremendous self loathing; if self awareness comes without self compassion. The battle to be brave and know oneself is a fight a coward has to win.

Release

We are born  a miracle, yet denial of every kind obfuscates the wonder of life.

Life demands
examination. Dr. Reich illuminated our search for understanding. His penetrating analysis was so powerful that still to this day his work like looking into the sun. His work points out the simple profound truths of our existence. Humans generate energy. At some point either you will suppress the flow or express the energy as feelings. Suppressing leads to addictions and expressing leads to satisfaction. So what's the problem?


Why do most people suppress. Why do adults abuse children into suppression?
Is it that competition for survival demands success through abuse?
Was abuse like a virus that spread through fear. Did envy and isolation
demand revenge. Revenge fueled by neglect. The explanation can be interesting but
satisfaction does not lie in intellectual pursuits. Expressing yourself through intimate contact needs to be achieved to satisfy the energetic release needed by our
organism.

The restrictions of armor's complete release is not easy to achieve. Energy builds in the body. Excess energy feels weird and often that weird feeling causes problems. Seeking a return to feeling right people try different methods to overturn that weirdness. Addictions become the tool to control that odd feeling. How to return to being a regular person when you were not given the tools or the map to find satisfaction through feelings. Releasing energy through intercourse, mutual complete orgasm, not oral sex but love between a man and a women center and balances your feelings and your perception of the world. Welcome to feeling right. Welcome to reality.

The Innocent

First off you've got to experience your situation and not like it. Second don't do
anything silly or drastic. Change takes time and it comes in small increments.
Patience. If ones surroundings does not confirm the trust and does not validate that one is supported as a vulnerable baby than the baby will close down automatically. When whoever disturbed or abused the innocence, than the initial deadening of the mind begins, with the dulling of the eyes, and the freezing of the breath: the feelings are blocked. Should have been a common experience of pulsating life becomes a dreaded forgotten memory.

Now the witness who is you, is trying to monitor your forgotten violent reactions to this forgotten abuse. Feel weird don't know why? Do you get panicky and need, choose your favorite addictions, and escape from the blocked past feelings.

The adult is continually trying to remember and yet is bound up in trying to control the outrage. That is the feeling of being in a pressure cooker. Need release because no one taught you how to find satisfaction than turn to your favorite addictions. The adult appears as the complaining child soon to find their special addiction. Innocence condemned has a violent response. Innocence crippled is violence, rage, and abuse at the back door. Addictive substances can be food, drugs, sex, work(power), gambling anything that moves energy and allows you to feel a little alive. Sorry not satisfied. That is the rub.

Addictions remind one that you are alive. What a double edge sword. No wonder addictions are hard to break. Who wants to be an adult and feel nothing. To not know even what a feeling is.
Feelings are actual movements of energy in the body. No one even had a inkling of that
idea till Dr. Reich. Dr. Reich found ways of of teaching people how to feel feelings,
and so much more.

Orgone Therapy taught me to be a human being. Nothing that my family knew.
Got cigarettes got food go to school. Any body ask you how your feeling or more likely how did school go. Or this is how you physically  love a man or a woman. Orgone Therapy inch by inch teaches  how a human being expresses themselves.

Lost in denial human beings fear to know how little they know. So isn't it understandable that everyone turns to some form of addiction to stimulate a reminder that life is enjoyable IE the energy of the organism moves to the surface and you feel feel not
only hope but right. Life is good when you feel. That is called moving forward by the great dog psychologist Cesar Milan.

Addictions will remain no matter
how many self help books you read or how many therapists you tell your problems to. Or how many groups you join. Addictions serve a purpose: addictions block the experience of dysfunction and at the same time provide escape and pleasure from
your dilemma of why am I weird, unhappy, dissatisfied.

Once you feel the energy moving in you than one needs to recognize that the person witnessing that movement is blocking usually out of fear the complete merging with that feeling. There is
no witness when feeling is 100%. Being one means being totally whatever that feeling is. Trust
is totally letting go. In a world of disappointment that is no mean feat.

Drug Dependecy

Which is it? The worst addiction is? Tune in next week for the
answer. Oh OK the worst addiction is the one
you are suffering from. Mine in general is food.
Everyday I have to eat and I am tempted to escape myself by overeating. Thank God
for my pants cause it is a constant reminder. My pathway to
bliss is only temporary with food. Every addiction is an escape generally from
realizing that you do not know how to function.


OK Drugs. I wound up in the sixties coming from a family whose greatest
contribution to me was neglect. A weed can be strong for awhile. Found myself
in San Francisco in the late 60's. Yeah guess what I did? Thank God it wasn't better than food. That is a bad joke. Anyway what does all addictions have in common?
Yes they are bad for your health. But no that is not the
answer I am looking for. Addictions are substances that reside outside of yourself and give you the illusion that you can control your feelings.
Want peace of mind and escape; take a downer. Want energy take speed. How
about taking a prescription. Same story. Ignorance and lack
of who we are as human beings leads us to drugs and other easy escapes.
Not so easy in the long run or short run for some. What we are taught by our
parents is limited; Homo normalis knows nothing about moving from moment to moment by
our feelings. The result is off to school to get an occupation: success the false hope. No clues to finding satisfaction we turn to
what is available. One easy choice is drugs.


Human Beings move their energy by breathing.
But not restricted, shallow breathing.
Drugs skip over the self reliant, self motivated instinctive feeling
of being alive. Drugs allow one to feel alive and hopeful
until they wear off. Now worse off because you have experienced some relief.

Hey want that feeling of being alive, happy again, seems easy. Except those drugged feelings over time wear off because real happiness does not come from a source outside of yourself.
Drugs. Man they are habit forming. Do not underestimate how difficult habits are to become aware of and to change. All of us have to make a strong effort to practice
good habits that allow us to overcome our addictions.

Why Is Posture So Important?

In every martial arts the emphasis on posture and alignment is supreme.
Simply when the body is in alignment, ears over shoulders, shoulders over hips,
knees bent, then energy and alertness is in balance, and breathing is at ease and deep.
Having struggled with my posture forever, my right shoulder higher matching my right
hip and pushing my head forward and adding lots of pressure on my knees to balance
myself from falling forward.

Now when you are abused, neglected, overlooked, left out ones energy becomes restricted and it is reflected in one's posture. As a result  the challenge is becoming aware of postures insidious restrictions. Have a massage therapist or a friend describe your alignment. Take a look in the mirror and see how you stand. Become
self conscious of your breathing. The challenge is  working diligently with an Orgone Therapist.  The process can be long because the trauma is rooted in birth and childhood.

Decisions to avoid emotional rejection become physical reality in your body as
posture solidified as hard muscles or as Dr. Reich called it armor.

 
Though the journey to pulsating life is difficult the alternative is dangerous and
life damaging. Addictions are an escape from being balanced in your body. Addictions
are an escape from yourself. Knowing your journey is mapped in your alignment,
your posture, gives us a reference point to chart our goals. The goal
is to have pulsating energy. Addictions block the flow and balanced posture
allows breathing and energy to flow.

Waking Up

Words are easy to forget. The conscious experiencing of the energy is the here and now. I am writing to remember.
I left off writing and I forget exactly why. The words would nail down the moment
but then I would forget anyway. I remember words one way
or another when the words are tied to energy. No easy feat coming from one very abused neglected childhood. My personal history might be interesting over a beer. I have been taking lots of notes and catching up on my reading. I have been working and etc. So God knows when I'll
write again. Maybe never. 

So first off besides getting yourself into therapy and that is first
off the most important factor, check out Character Analysis Third Edition, and my favorite
post therapy handbook,  Emotional First Aid by Sean Haldane. Bravo Mr. Haldane one
awesome book.

OK where were we with energy movement and addiction. Bottom line addictions are a substitute
for the satisfying movement of energy in the body and its release. Addictions give a small release.
Then disappointment, or just confusion if you are panicky. Next step
for the addictive is more addictive behavior. Ugh!

OK what to do. Initially get some therapy check out Orgone.org. web page for a therapist.
Now if you cannot get a therapist try substituting a good addiction for your harmful one.
Like exercise, writing, or group meetings will raise the energy. If the energy raises that is a healthy way to substitute health for addiction.


But basically this is a blog for people who are in therapy or have been in therapy.
Because as Dr. Reich said "seeking to do your own therapy is like trying to pull yourself out of
quicksand by your own hair".

Satisfaction. What is satisfaction? What is happiness? How do these feelings relate
to addiction? The first addiction I will try to illuminate is overeating.
Being that we all have experience with food and that we have to eat everyday.
Eating is a great substitute for love; that is not getting any or enough love.
Since survival depends on eating, overeating can be very difficult to
understand and self regulate. How does addictive eating substitute for love?


Here is the simple way overeating works.
Particularly sweets, and salt will actually move the physical energy in the body.
This temporary feeling needs to be repeated continuously to achieve a substituted
feeling of satisfaction. Compared to full orgasm addictive eating is like a small stream never reaching the ocean of joy. Rely on overeating to achieve pleasure an you will form a habit, and then an addiction.
You can't leave the table to you finish everything. Eat one for Mommy. On and On
parents, well meaning begin addictions.

Love by touch or familiarity especially in childhood is survival communication that moves the individuals energy out to the circumference of the body providing pleasure and confidence. Depending on how abusive your childhood was you will seek addictions to substitute for the movement of energy.

Orgasm is the result of energy build up and the release of that buildup
is joy or happiness. The energy is experienced physically as waves
of energy. Most of us never feel the energy, we have armored up to block abuse, and
have no orgasmic reference point, no feelings to know how to find true satisfaction.

The lack of satisfaction produces a misdirected anger, and tremendous denial. Redirected anger
is directed towards inappropriate behavior; anything from meanness to violence or or self abusive addiction. Your type of energy release will be directed by the type
of childhood you experienced.
Words can only be a map of encouragement and direction.
Embrace your feelings and begin slowly to find healthy addictions.