Tension

I had a arch pain. No mater what I tried, and I was a massage therapist it did not stop hurting. A foot Doctor looked at me walking barefooted and told me what's wrong. Being knowledgeable about muscles I was sure it was a bruise.

Nope,  he pressed on my right big toe and said that's it. That's what? Your pressing down with your toe. I was shocked. I was pressing down with with my toe. I let up. The Doctor devised inserts to push my foot to the right.

It was the beginning of becoming aware of where I had contracted muscles to stop me from experiencing being neglected and abused. Subtle is kind compared to the unconscious. Humans have remarkable abilities. We were once  in touch with every part of ourselves. Tighten the solar plexus, tighten any organ, and the occiput, the entrance to the brain.

The cosmic energy is ultimate human knowledge: blocked Orgone. I had reduced  my consciousness and sent the pain to never regions, the unconscious. Orgone has been locked away.

Abuse was ugly, painful, and ones life was in jeopardy. No one wants to remember those abuses. Expressing my anger would have been dynamite. Like waving a red flag to a bull. Hiding in the unconscious is the abused, contracted, determined to not feel. As an adult the abuse delivers the Orgone, and consciousness.

Stress

No wisdom from a antidepressant.

I was put off. The rush from letting go of all that holding caught me by surprise. I was running from the Orgone and then I felt the surge. The past memories came, and all my mistakes, all my inappropriate anger: I was the past, I was tortured, and over time I became aware of of my unconscious armor that was poisoning my health.

Now flooded with change I was different and I would be different. It takes memories of therapy's amazement to continue practicing, remembering that being alive is spontaneous. The Orgone is the engine and it fills everything. Holding Orgone down is living life backwards. Thankfully Dr. Reich experienced Orgone and had the cojones to share the truth.

In Orgone Therapy I experienced relief, an aliveness to motivate me to make the effort. It is no mean feat. The early collapse feels like I am under a ton of mud. It has aged like the worst black mold. It insidiously is me. Finally an earlier deeper, Orgone arises and claims me. Remembered pleasure. I breathe.

Stress caused a falling back that became my solution. My character was formed under stress.  I disappeared, it worked. It's the character I met the world with; is the persona that leads us to addiction; it is the character that doesn't work. Than when we wish to change that character, the addiction can rear its ugly head. 

That is why when in therapy it is imperative to stay away from your family. They stimulate old behavior. It is also true that other stresses, death, loss of job, moving can also cause a fall back. How to deal with these stresses and not choose addictive behavior can be damn hard. In fact probably impossible. But still keep on moving ahead, by making mistakes and learning. Try not judging too hard, and practice emoting, 

The human beings physiology has activities that exist without our control: heart beat, and especially as children energy, Orgone, that is so plentiful: "Go outside and play. As a child it was easy to escape. Now when Orgone needs to be rational to deal with ones own failures it is essential to find time to emote appropriately. The way to relieve stress by activity, movement worked as a child but now it is an addictive escape. Use the past abuse to motivate change.

No key will open up the invisible Orgone hiding within a busted character. It takes being in Orgone Therapy. Learning by following instructions and then years of practicing. A life and death struggle that needs total commitment.