Afterwood Lost and Found

Did you get the love you needed as a baby, as a child, as a adult? If you did you will quickly leave this blog. In fact most people who accidentally trip over my writings will leave. Not because they received true emotional contact they had to have, but because they are in denial and projecting their armor, their defensive character, and have no idea what I am writing about. We have learned to accept ourselves as contactless but when stress is overwhelming it can ignite a failure of functioning,  Then if you haven't found an Orgone Therapist I hope my blog can help.

Your mother did not know how to emote and involuntarily has frozen her muscles and squeezed one's birth into a survival nightmare. You want to flow, to expand but having affect, having expressive feelings is alien to Western Culture, and one's birth has begun the trajectory of lack of physical closeness that will permeate one's existence. Everyone has forgotten their early trauma  because survival demands activity and movement feels good.Then we find something that releases part of that tension, often we don't care if it is; an addictive substance, could be food, family, sweets, coffee, wine, sex. What we have is no real understanding of addiction. As an adult its not the actual addictive substance you seek but the expressive anger at past forgotten abuses that couldn't be named and were not expressed. The addiction perverts the abuse by limiting understanding, and blends subconscious anger with the addiction. To complete the puzzle there is no accountability  no knowledge that one is angry for ones actions. Instead all blame is projected on another. 

What is it that still causes the furor about Dr. Reich and Orgone Therapy? Adults have come to a denial of their armor and their character. Dr. Reich caused a earthquake in their perception of themselves. The fantasy that Dr. Reich revealed was that men and women were sick, armored, sexually perverted; not breathing fully, and subconsciously armoring their body by contracting muscle armor which blocked feeling abused, resulting in confusing thoughts and perverted  sexuallty. Feeling exposed  threatened their emotional control. Getting rid of Dr. Reich denied their emotional sickness. Dr. Reich  persecuted, harassed, and ultimately wrongly incarcerated, and died in prison. Et Tu  emotional plague..

Addiction became a pressure valve that released the build up of unresolved sexual Orgone. Addiction relieved some of the Orgone and the addiction becomes important and central to their life. Rational thinking does not happen becauses the body is armored and thinking is sublimated by addiction. When your don't express a primary drive, orgasmic sexual  reflex, then rational thinking is perverted.

Without Dr. Wilhelm Reich's heroic life and the Orgone Therapy he developed, and  practiced by the master Therapist Dr. John Rinn, I would have missed being transformed. Every day I use The Therapy to help express my emotions, to not be inappropriate. Being appropriate, is being in contact with ones body and interacting with Orgone streaming and breathing consciously.Your not alone at being angry at being abused, addicted.

I am here because of Dr.Wilhelm Reich and Dr. Sigmund Freud. Their relationship and how it changed is the pivotal point of understanding what happened to human beings and the future of human consciousness. Freud ultimately felt limited sexuality needed to conform to culture while Reich uncovered cosmic Orgone Sexuality and its saving, healthy applications; not only for the individual but for future cultural generations. Dr. Reich was the Technology Director for Sigmund Freud's Psychoanalytical Seminars and after leaving taught others his discoveries which were buried in human bodies, subconscious, and unconscious.

Orgone and Addiction

 

Addiction

 Addiction is the center of my writings based on Dr. Wilhelm Reich's Work. A desperate need to change must be accessed to resolve addiction. As important, the chosen therapy must produce immediate results. The patient must leave the session feeling saved, understood, relieved and hopeful that an answer has been found. Thankfully that is how Orgone Therapy worked for me.

Enclosed are some clips from my writings.

Mrs. Wilson, my fifth grade teacher, was a nasty, cane toting  teacher. We were controlled but our silent acknowledgement led to being covert, and unified. We would pool our money and sneak out to buy candy that we would share. That sugar rush that added to my food addiction. Candy, foods are an important distraction: boredom, controlled deadness could be perverted. A saving evil.

I looked at the white covering. It was  so sweet and the bread soft. I liked the attention. I liked the sweetness, it spread through me;  I was different, better. Later I knew why I would eat to feel different, special, an addict.

The baby has taken some control of his life at a tremendous cost. Control feels like you can survive and often during your life control is the difference between life and death. Control is a necessary skill that all of us need to wear like a coat . A coat that is up to us to put on or take off. The problem with control is when control starts at an early age and gets reinforced by further trauma than control becomes chronic and becomes a character formation. Control that is chronic stimulates a need for addictive release because it is not removable by the individual except by an outside addictive lifestyle. 

Life is movement. Like an amoeba, human beings' energy can be pulsing. Addiction is the substitution of a shallow pulse for life's satisfying primary pulse.
Children are born with the primary pulse and it is a natural unconscious reflex. As natural as a bird flying. From day one children feel the threat of cessation, of their pulse, as an immediate threat to their survival. Closing down by contracting the muscles allows a feeling of calmness to occur. The price for peacefully fitting in is the loss of flowing Orgone (energetic purpose). Addiction becomes a way of finding some small level of  excitement.  

Dr. Reich used the gag reflex. Put your finger softly in your throat to illicit the gag reflex. Don't push it down, tickle your throat. The gag reflex will unlock your compressed lungs. Your holding them flat by not breathing fully causing armor. You'll feel the release,and orgone moving to the surface of your body. Ultimately this will show you how Orgone moves. It is the most important information on Orgone movement when you have no idea what Orgone feels like. Its knowledge that you've repressing Orgone. Now you'll know that there is an unconscious, a forgotten memory. Until you express the contraction it stays contracted and forgotten. Becoming aware one is confusing addictions excitement with opening a compressed body allows natural, conscious Orgone excitement, The need for unhealthy choices lessens.

Work seems to be the addiction of our culture. Work is a slippery slope. Survival built into work can easily be justified by long hours, and excuses that seem reasonable. I have no time for reading; I have heard often enough or I am fine. Actually I have said versions of these myself. I worked 60 hours a week and had little time for  introspection and less time for meaningful connection. A deep rooted fear of losing control of my status and not receiving the attention I needed for survival had driven me to overwork. The culture of the West added to this crowning effect by giving work success all the rewards of a hero returning from battle

Accessing my Orgone, my core allowed me to understand my character; the ways I hold myself, the way I handle emotions, my tension. Being neglected, left out, ignored in the past will lead to addiction. Not achieving acknowledgement from the family, fairness from the culture, leads to seeking pleasure from addictions. Hidden family abusive memories have been forgotten and addictions keep them buried. Mapped in your Orgone flow, your posture your restricted breath, gives us a reference point to chart our goals. 

Shock Motherless

  

No one was there.

I laid there addicted to

The sunshine. I would wait it

Out.

I went on.

I didn't know there would be a murderous 

Late payment

Anorgonia.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpNY4cZpGMU

Anorgonia is the overwhelming difficulty of adult's buried Orgone to express the abuse, lack of validation, and physical neglect of ones early family. Dr.Reich treated Anorgonia with cancer patients and schizophrenia patients. Repressed abuse when stimulated by present abuse increases the feeling of loss; it's overwhelming. The past held minimal contact but a baby had high Orgone to promote continuation and laying there was not work; now adults reexperiencing contactless has to rely on conscious breathing to overcome ones lack of Orgone and it feels impossible. Dr. Reich summarized his Anorgonia cases in The Cancer Biopathy. Basically the prognosis sounds simple, express past abuse and it won't pollute present decisions and Anorgonia will dissolve. The huge problem is often  the patient has no no idea what feelings are. or Anorgonia has wiped out wanting to emote, because the abused old feeling's was devestading and the realization was your life has been poisoned by it. 

Anagonia feels like it is the only feeling that exists, and you weigh a ton and can't move or breathe. The past can feel like the present. One has lived one's upbringing till adulthood and abuse has been integrated into one's character and needs tremendous focus to unravel. The blocks are invisible to the person and the old character has worked till now and it's conscious appearance is all inclusive. Yet it is damaging and must be expressed and change to a reality that can ex[ress the rage at being abused.

I felt different. One that had been drugged. I could see but that was it. I couldn't survive. I finally emoted. The earliest emotions needed to be expressed. The anorgonia was the frozen fear of the old reality that was toxic. Breathing opens the buried pulse.  It was not a straight line but it didn't feel like I would die until now.

Devastated is that me?  It is push, reach out and disappear. It is ugly. When telling the truth is frightening. Orgone pushes forward and then back. Going to get hit. Saying I'm here and you're going to get hit. The answer from them is devastating, it's cellular. There is no body, no Orgone, just words by the walking dead. In therapy reliving this tragedy is overwhelming: life missed; it is a hole that I fell into. I disappeared. Then I released uncontrollable addictions hiding in secondary emotions. What I needed, wanted was flesh closeness. Not getting  life saving closeness causes a flattening, a stilling. Symbolically, and physically it's a no body. As an adult that is a fall,  a precursor for death, a reminder of being an abused baby. I cannot stand without a body.

 

The first armor, the earliest, happens in the womb, disturbances in mother's body and the  tongue gets flatned. Thumb sucking becomes the first addiction. Then born without loving hands, no soft warm breast will lead to collapse, a fall. It is a free fall without Orgone. I went into hibernation. I never woke to Orgone. and I lived with a diminished self. It is a black hole of disappearance. The social nature of our species leads to some Orgone, as an adult it's a temporary respite.

It was dangerous accessing my earliest neglect. A solid abuse lived in me. Orgone stayed buried in the past. Now I know the difference. My disappearing Orgone was no mother, no loving contact. When I remembered as an adult, it was the Emotional Plague, that saved me, a held in discomfort. Orgone Therapy's knowledge told me to emote, breathe. A memory that made me move, to emote the neglect and not lay there comatose waiting for mother to come. She didn't come. She was the walking Emotional Plague. She could not give me closeness which would have activated my body.

You cannot change the past; you can react to the past. Orgone reemerging. That is the struggle, reenergizing as an adult. The parts of you that were needed hid and must be seen, experienced, and expressed. Those first few years needed to be super secure. Mother must be lovingly shared. If not, the babies cellular response is contraction, automatic. 

Make sure you have paid attention to opening up the body by reaching to closed parts. The soreness will let you know that your opening buried Orgone.  The key is learning how to breathe, emote, and inch by inch, experiencing plasma motility in the body. Breathing deeply should not be tiring. Breathing is the communication  that induces Orgone movement. Breathing elicits a satisfied knowing of the effortless instinctual movement of the respiratory process. Ultimately allows one to become aware of the Orgone movement, emotions, and begin to experience pleasure.

It is life or death and I had to find Orgone. let Orgone direct me. Not having the Orgone moving is armored. Its the Emotional Plague. It is an addiction expressing secondary emotions through a perverted release. It is dangerous. The life missed is misery, welcomes death. Instead do what you learned. move. Overcoming that sinking, horrendous outcome is an instinctual expression of pleasure. Through therapy Orgone has slowly awakened and now Orgone moves. I moved. Culmination, pleasure returns. Know that being alive is the wonders of feeling Orgone. Anorgonia is  past abuse. Orgone streaming is pleasure that wipes out the desire to die.

The mother has to awaken the baby by one to one closeness, breastfeeding like all animals. This validation allows the baby to expand and contract, pulse. As an adult experiencing anorgonia has no conscious pulse, no contraction. You have to practice being reborn: practice emoting, practice contraction. Otherwise Orgone is forgotten, a black hole, a dead sun.

The loss of incentive to move forward brings up the pasts abuse. The return of the past, is an emptiness that blocks motivation, there is only hopelessness. An alarm is going off for you pay attention to your breathing and you will notice its shallow. It happened invisibly. You must open your breathing with full deep inhalation and exhalation. Running in place will open breathing reflexively. reminder of a deeper experience, a remembrance of health. Use your years of emoting to lift oneself out of a past trauma.

Orgone Therapies  knowledge is essential when you have anorgonia. Even when you have been in Orgone Therapy Anorgonia's reappearance, like all feelings, is totally present. As a baby complete contactless was liveable; as an adult Orgone Therapies directions must be activated. or you will die.  Unlocking needs help and the gag reflex

that is taught in Orgone Therapy helps to identify the hidden deep cellular stillness. 

As one is going through awareness it becomes evident that  shallow breathing has lowered Orgone in the body. One needs to respond to the overwhelming old abusive feelings overtaking consciousness. Old emotions can feel new. The past can feel like the present. 

As recommended by Dr. Reich, an essential to alleviating anorgonia is to sit in an orgone accumulator or be covered by an Orgone Blanket.  Having Orgone recharge from these amazing Orgone accumulators will provide fresh Orgone to stimulate consciousness to emote to lessen contractions, to feel pleasure, and feel balanced. The spontaneity of my new motility has fuller consciousness of Orgone's knowledge. Full bodily expression is alive with its own timing.  Orgone is life's expansion.  

For further information see Cosmic Superimposition by Wilhelm Reich  Pg. 216, 217

Dr. Reich Video

I have been to Wilhelm Reich's museum three times and a three day seminar. I have been on its Facebook page for years. Since Mary Boyd Higgins  died, she was Dr. Reich's editor and in charge of the Museum, new direction has taken place. I am not privy to its changes but its tone is authoritarian. Nerveless their continual exploring of  Dr. Reich's discoveries is encouraging. 

Of late the Museum wished everyone  Love, Work, Knowledge for the New Years. Having written  extensively on Love, Work and Knowledge,  I asked if I could post on their site.Their response was shocking. Without notifying me they wiped out my request. No explanation. By doing this suggests a cult like projection. I am disappointed, sadden that The Museum has stopped respecting new information, which  I feel would be inline with Dr.'s Reichs paradigm.

In reviewing the ending of Dr. Reich's video his awareness of his Orgone Energy consciousness separates himself from  the lack of consciousness of his associates. Perhaps the Museum needs to take notice.

As such I discontinued my membership.

.  

Captures my experience of Dr. Reich.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKiK5afXYgg

Are You Healthy?

Dr. Reich asked Myron Sharaf at their first meeting.

This question has huge meaning. 

Dr. Reich was immediately evaluating Myron Sharaf's health by verbal and Orgone projection. Having healthy, dedicated colleagues was needed to balance the work. The knowledge that was needed would encompass all aspects of love for your fellow humans. When the Orgone has no restrictions than spontaneity feels honest, wholesome, and integral. Hence are you healthy? 

Dr. Reich was a humanitarian. By the very nature of his work, his empathy for human sickness was paramount. Our  world is filled with the Emotional Plague. The danger of human misery and their poor choices was Dr. Reich's healing pursuit. 

Grieven

 My mother didn't have much to do with me. I was the third child and my mother only had energy for two. My dad was at work, and was left on my own. My mother cooked for my father. She was old schooled that way. She would perform all her wifely duties, as long as he was  providing. 

 I was the helper when Mom went shopping, Sawdust on the floor that was the butcher shop. Chicken's in the back in cages and the blue flames. An odd smell. Later I realized it was the burnt feathers. Blue flames were always on. No words between me and my Mom. I was there to help. She could have been anyone. I was bored except for the blue dreams.. Though I miss  my family umbrella's safety, when I look at my Grandparents picture I am awakened to fear. My mother looked like my grandmother, a big round tank, and my Grandfather, thin, tight and held in. I can see the horrendous struggle they endured. I am thankful they survived. I never wanted to be them. and knew I was broken by the pain that held them from sharing love. 

Usually during the winter I would not be outside. No one was out to play. My mother was cooking. So I stood and watched. It could be chicken soup with eggs that were still in the chicken. Making blintzes was my favorite. She would mix together flour, milk and egg and presto, a blintz. I would get the broken ones. Chopped liver was not a favorite. It had a strong taste. Schmaltz, chicken fat, would be added. Then the secret onion recipe. Onion chopped and slowly cooked till they were dark and brown. Crispy, crunchy, sweet. Grieven is onions cooked long, brown. When you're a Jew you have been used, abused, cooked, thin, or huge to forget the abuse.  Every Friday night was the big dinner. It was chicken soup, roast beef  and well done vegetables. There wasn't much gab. My family was a refugee family. Mom had come over from somewhere European. She never told me. My brother had more info. He thinks Poland. My sister was distant. The worst smell was cooked fishes, gefilter. If you ate it with horseradish it was bearable.

A panacea can be insidious, it can be love. Being included in the family with nickel and dime love is abusive. The family, by not allowing feelings to be expressed is depression. Love as control is the foundation of the Emotional Plague character. Control blocks many aspects of living particularly that emotions are being controlled. If control is all you get your release will be addiction. Being fearful to express anger, sadness, fear at not being heard leads to a loss of what it is to be a human animal. As an adult a failure to express yourself leads to dissatisfaction. The lack of Orgone movement and its Orgasm reflex will be buried in addictive confusion. On one's journey to self enlightenment the movement of Orgone often becomes confused with memories of childhood denial of expression.The families memories and buried feelings needs to be dredged up and fear, anger, sadness expressed. In my case I sat down with my mother and told her how I felt and what I experienced. Though she denied everything and wrote me out of her will, I felt I had found my integrity.

The need for loves singular connection arises spontaneously. The hard work has been done and Orgone knows being alive seeks shared flow into another; with all the breath, the smells, the glory of completion. Though love never happened with my family, love symbiosis is built directly into Orgone; the fusion is ultimate wisdom.

 

Leonard Cohen knows love is written into our being. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM7vULqs31Q

Anthem

 I walked many streets.

Saw without seeing 

Particularly trees.

Lost in S.F..

What was it that hid so successfully?

The trunk was thick 

Held the wild branches.

Soon the leaves would

Be like thoughts. 

The roots stretching

To hold others.

.He entered my life

And graciously tore

Me apart. .

Pulsing fiercely

Children reminding me how to be.

By the school 

Letting loose. 

I hear them say

This is the way it should be.

The ocean can roll you.

The sea can take you.

But stars shine bright within

When I was willing to be vulnerable.

What was taken was seen.

What rose with all the expression

When male and female became one.

Nothing I Can Do About It

 47

Was the year my wife was born.

Now dead.

These past weeks everywhere

47 appears.

Innumerable times.

Coincidence?

Its not happenstance,

Nor serendipity,

Definitely not synchronicity.

Today leaving a parking lot

The license plate was

Hi 47.