wounded frantically seeking connection

                           Seeking 

I was working in a retail store in Rhode Island, and a mother came in with her little girl about three. The mother babbled on and the little girl wandered through the store. I could feel her searching, really lost. Her dependence was totally on her mother who was ignoring her. It dawned on me that the little girl would always be lost till she was an adult and would be lucky enough to express her outrage at being ignored, neglected. Early feelings, like these, are hard to remember. As children negative experiences can easily be buried with denial. Imagine when the abuse becomes  beatings, incest, rape. Held in tremendous rage  will mostly be released through addictions 

Growing up abandoned, primary drives ignored, the nuclear family submerged into work  leads to lost and anxious struggles. As mammals we come from a heritage of being touched during our first years and being in contact with our mother completely. Think of all the mammals carrying their children for there first years. The Orgone's baby must have breast feeding contact to stimulate  Orgone. The consequences of abridgment, of a cold connection is an avenue to addiction.

People choose different forms of behavior to avoid depression, anxiety, and just general panic. Three of the most common behaviors are sublimation, O.C.D. and addictions. O.C.D. behavior buries the memories of a abused childhood; one becomes passionate about being overly perfect. Of course its impossible to be perfect but it allows one to use up Orgone and the obsession blocks everything. If sexual then the acts can be extremely bizarre. By choosing work, hobbies one moves the Orgone and achieves a respite from the lack of touch, and sexual frustrations.

Surprisingly all three can be life preserving. All move the Orgone to some degree and a partial release from the build up of Orgone is achieved and relief is felt.  A purpose is realized: I will do this behavior and live. Moving the Orgone even if invisible allows one to live with purpose and purpose moves the Orgone. The will to direct action moves the Orgone and that also drives these three behaviors. Action moves the Orgone to the surface and though the pleasure is mixed with fear it feels good to be alive.

As adults our early memories were forgotten. Then through recapitulation we began to remember. Remembering we noticed many who like weeds began to show signs of differentiation. Dysfunction began to show up. Hidden sex in the cities, in divorced open day houses, in the country, in the cornfields.We took notice but could do nothing, Perhaps the secrets started as we sought ways to find pleasurable release. If we were lucky the feelings and strange urges will be talked about between friends. Parents busy finding there own satisfaction often were too confused, too armored to communicate anything. Your on your own.

 Habits are hard to break when they give relief and addictions are a passionate habit: the gateway to further secrets. Addictions are dangerous acts, drugs of all kinds, over eating, sexual perversions. The release and pleasure from the addiction becomes paramount. The perverted act is necessary to achieve release from the blocked up Orgone. Addiction is an isolated pleasure that leads to a lonely life. 

Orgone Therapy has tools that will take one back to the original wound.That searching little girl will need to find an orgone Therapist and express her anger: being neglected is a disaster and needs a therapist to help unlock the held in rage. Expressing the outrage, the loss,ultimately will heal the organism and a feeling of exuberance will be known. Choose Orgone Therapy, and learn to make different choices. Being in Orgone Therapy is  life saving. 

Collating

A little guy enters the world. Really a simple world, complicated by evasion, gone tremendously wrong. Immediately too much is going on. What works is one moment to the next and choosing  pleasurable, loving activities, and for the very few this happens. Except for most of us that is not what faces us. The armor, the hiding, the stilling of what is needed begins. The new character seems safe and it is because it guarantees ones survival for most. Some can not do it. Perhaps they have too much early brilliance and it is just time for them too move on or just become aberrant. Whatever, the rest of us have to deal with abuse of one kind or another. All of us turn to some kind of addiction to soothe our neurotic character with fantasy, drugs, food, some aberration of the primary drive. All of this moves the Orgone, and that pleasure seems enough. But and it is a big But it isn't.

Dr. Reich developed the four count energy principle and it inhabits human beings and probably all developed species. Orgone needs full expression as it grows in us. At some point the Orgone will fill us too excess, and needs to be fully, deeply expressed through sexual intercourse. Except because of armor, Orgone stilling, the excess is released through Dr. Reich's brilliantly conceived secondary drives, (weird Orgone, my term), causing the dysfunction in our culture.

Beginning at birth, the need, the stimulation of the embrace, and the closeness and the stimulation of body to body contact needs to be experienced with the mother and then with other children. Yet parents deny children their physical needs..The result: the child is forsaken closeness that any other mouse can experience and develops substitutes that hide, obfuscates and fuel addictions.

The mythical garden is taken away. Truly we can not underestimate the horrendous results of this expulsion. Our culture with its complete war practices, on every level, is a manifestation of its anger at being deprived of closeness, pleasure of  sexual honesty, that every other bird and bee can experience and instead becomes the nasty, murderous species that is on the edge of extinction.

Orgone Therapy can help change that nasty laugh to satisfaction by helping us remember simple pleasures are our heritage.

Exploring My Life Through Orgone Therapy

Looking back at my childhood I can see I never wanted to leave home; I never saw anything wrong with my family. I would never look at my past. My past was not a solvable problem and seemed to have no influence on my present behavior. Now that idea seems so strange to me. I now know why that is so. I controlled myself unconsciously so I would not see my dysfunction and my families dysfunction: immobilized breathing is a fantastic way of staying unresponsive.
Orgonomic breathing streams the Orgone and opens oneself to ones past.  

Finding the answer to my headache that has begun in the last year, has led me to explore my progression of finding how my headache, my character, my armor, my addictions are symptoms of my pathology.

Today I woke with my typical tension in my occiput region, that is above the collar of my shirt: that tension caused my headache and I knew I was unconsciously contracting those muscles. The muscles tightening through the top of my head compressed the nerves, and the blood vessels, caused severe pain. Laying there I experienced my shallow breathing, and the tension, the holding, the contraction that began telling me that I won't express myself. I knew I was tense, succeeding in not experiencing something. I would have to use what Orgone Therapy taught me to get rid of that headache. Why, why, and then as I said to myself I won't, it reminded me again what I would have to do if I didn't want to be in pain. Orgone Therapy had an answer for my living coma. "Say I won't", said Dr. Rinn. Over and over I said I won't. No info to what that meant;  I kept on with the I won't, saying it made me feel better, and after years, ultimately it brought me back to my original template, my difficult birth that I had closed down and did not want to experience.

The initial template of being born by a very armored mother, combined with circumcision and followed by neglect, and my withdrawal was seen as being a good boy. Quiet no trouble for the parents. And you bet if I knew anything I was going to hide, as not to be hurt by neglect: what was neglect?

The difficulty for me was the distasteful humans, and being small I didn't dare revolt, when I did I got beaten: I felt more than scared, I was invisible. My reaction was as the

possum. I would keep that modus operandi  that would become my character. A sleepy good boy with moments of excitements combined with tantrums, anger. Over years I would experience my past, yes all the way back to when I wouldn't express the pain, my rage. I once again realized I was the master of hiding from myself. 

Waiting for me was the Gestalt of the baby, the child, the teenager who was holding himself so tight, by not breathing, by not knowing how to express his disgust, his anger, my rage. Finally to be-woken up and to express myself finally. Orgone Therapy taught me emoting, appropriate emoting took away my headache, and lessened my need for my addictions: food and unconnected sex. Orgone Therapy is dynamic.

Today I know what to do when that habit of hiding returns which is often when I sleep. Waking to my dreams where I am facing my isolation, my lack of connection that I know in the repose of sleep,  I will not fight, rage, but instead hold to resting, and pleasure, and no one will mess with my pleasure. Yet when waking I need to emote against the deniers, the abusers, and that is the key. Without the expression the musculature remains armored, stiff and intelligence is static. For in the anxiety of doing nothing lies impotence. Luckily for me my karma led me to Dr. Rinn a great Therapist, a Doctor of Gestalt Therapy, and master of Orgone Therapy.

Armored people are flat water, and Orgone is carbonated, alive. I see people as windows and most have all there windows closed, shut tight. In Orgone Therapy the windows will open inch by inch and sometimes they close back up. Letting the Orgone through the armor allows a whole person to emerge.

Mountain Top

Looking back took forty years to see That catch 22 kept me silent. 

No complaints, no awareness, no know.

 Get angry get beaten. 

Divorced from the puke. 

I have only yearning that keeps me looking at what is past.

 At times I looked to You for for what was not you. I know you saw the Rex in me. 

I loved the fox in you, your sway, your simplicity. 

We turned the banal into pleasure. 

What is 40 years? 

Rex reigned 150 million years.

 I roar for my anger at time knows no limit. Some duster

 will map our skeletons, Not knowing your saintly heart.