Opening Up

Looking back, I'm eleven, I see myself lying in bed, it is the afternoon and I am bored and that is all. So ultimately I decide to go to the schoolyard, anything is better. I am not hoping just going on. I see now that I am retarded, undeveloped. No one is modeling connection, showing me how to express myself. My brother is somewhere probably eating the last piece of chocolate cake, my sister has never been in contact. My mother waits for me at the door but she is so fat and so hard that I want nothing to do with her. My father the only one making contact is at work. No one.

So how is it that I found writing, how is it that I am alive. Yes there are some hints, some bones: as  a child, of course there is food and some weird puberty. Then some thin red line, some genetic karmic wisdom, in my life brought me to Orgone Therapy.

Even though it is confusing and frustrating not being understood, I desperately need to engage with others, need the interaction that opens up channels that are invisible, that only become conscious when shared.


Depression means compressed Orgone. No longer being spontaneous. Abused one is too thoughtful, memorized "secondary" (see Dr. Reich) consciousness develops and one believes this is what life  is. Addictions becomes a unconscious wish for loss of control; seeking the background pulse that is Orgone, that has been buried by abuse.
Orgone, still the enigma, yet who cares when it is such a wonder.

Work, Love, and Knowledge need focus, need activity  and without there continual insights comes frustration. This in everyday parlance is stress. The cultures simply is ruthless and has little time for these three and in therapeutic terms sublimation develops to deal with anxiety, and desire. Addiction is an extreme form of sublimation and is a dangerous temporary pleasure.

The addicted, the armored, will always reject you. Once there needs are satisfied your useless to them. True connection only exists when the Orgone flows, and the person is able to make loving connection. Till then what one learned in Orgone Therapy is to voice your anger, your bodily movement with affect, appropriately.