Shock Motherless

  

No one was there.

I laid there addicted to

The sunshine. I would wait it

Out.

I went on.

I didn't know there would be a murderous 

Late payment

Anorgonia.

Anorgonia is the overwhelming  difficulty of adult's buried Orgone to express the abuse, lack of validation, and physical neglect of ones early family. Repressed abuse when is reminded by present abuse can feel overwhelming. Overcoming ones lack of a response feels impossible. Dr. Reich summarizes his Anorgonia cases in The Cancer Biopathy. 

I felt different. One that had been drugged. I could see but that was it. I couldn't survive. I finally emoted. The earliest emotions needed to be expressed. The anorgonia was the frozen fear of the old reality that was toxic. Orgone is the body expressing emotions. I was a pulse and no words made remembering hard. Breathing opens the buried pulse. Now like a cloud with consciousness. The muscular orgone will cause a stiffness that alerts change has happened and you are alive and not dying. It was not a straight line but it didn't feel like I would die until now.

Devastating is that me?  It is push, reach out and disappear. It is ugly. When telling the truth is frightening. Orgone pushes forward and then back. Going to get hit. Saying I'm here and you're going to get hit. The answer from them is devastating, it's cellular. There is no body, no Orgone, just words by the walking dead. In therapy reliving this tragedy is overwhelming: life missed. It is a hole that I fell into. I disappeared. Then I released uncontrollable addictions hiding in secondary emotions. What I needed, wanted was flesh closeness. Not getting  life saving closeness causes a flattening, a stilling. Symbolically, and physically it's a no body. As an adult that is a fall,  a precursor for death,a reminder of being an abused baby. I cannot stand without a body.

 

The first armor, the earliest, happens in the womb, the tongue gets depressed, and thumb sucking occupies  all the Orgone flat. Control is stillness. Then born without loving hands, no soft warm breast will lead to collapse, a fall. It is a free fall without Orgone. I went into hibernation. I never woke to Orgone. and I lived with a diminished self. It is a black hole of disappearance. 

It was dangerous accessing my earliest neglect. A solid abuse lived in me. Orgone stayed buried in the past. Now I know the difference. My disappearing Orgone was no mother, no loving contact. When remembered as an adult, it was finally an Emotional Plague. That was what saved me. A held in discomfort. Orgone Therapy's knowledge told me to emote, breathe. A memory that made me move, to emote the neglect and not lay there comatose waiting for mother to come. She didn't come. She was the walking Emotional Plague. She could not give me closeness which would have activated my body.

You cannot change the past; you can react to the past. Orgone reemerging. That is the struggle, reenergizing as an adult. The parts of you that were needed to hide must be seen, experienced, and expressed. Those first few years needed to be super secure. Mother must be lovingly shared. If not, the baby's cellular response is contraction, automatic. The thorough disappearance of adult pleasure is the earliest abuse emerging

The bodies Orgone will open up constricted plasma. Make sure you have paid attention to opening up the body by reaching to closed parts. The soreness will let you know that your opening buried Orgone.  The key is learning how to breathe, emote, and inch by inch, experiencing plasma motility in the body. Breathing deeply should not be tiring. Breathing is the communication  that induces Orgone movement. Breathing elicits a satisfied knowing of the effortless instinctual movement of the respiratory process. Ultimately allows one to become aware of the Orgone movement, emotions, and begin to experience pleasure.

It is life or death and I had to find Orgone. Let Orgone direct me. Not having  the Orgone moving is armored. Its the Emotional Plague. It is an addiction expressing secondary emotions through a perverted release. It is dangerous. The life missed is misery, welcomes death. Instead do what you learned. move. Overcoming that sinking, horrendous outcome is an instinctual expression of pleasure. Through therapy Orgone has slowly awakened and now Orgone moves. I moved. Culmination, pleasure returns. Know that being alive is the wonders of feeling Orgone. Anorgonia is  past abuse. Orgone streaming is pleasure that wipes out the desire to die.

The mother has to awaken the baby by one to one closeness, breastfeeding like all animals. This validation allows the baby to expand and contract, pulse. As an adult experiencing anorgonia has no conscious pulse, no contraction. You have to practice being reborn: practice emoting, practice contraction. Otherwise Orgone is forgotten, a black hole, a dead sun.

The loss of incentive to move forward brings up the pasts abuse. The return of the past, is an emptiness that blocks motivation.There is only hopelessness. An alarm is going off for you pay attention to your breathing and you will notice its shallow. It happened invisibly. You must open your breathing with full deep inhalation and exhalation. a deeper experience, a remembrance of health. Old emotions combined  no love attention. wipes out  pleasure. Love, Work, and Knowledge are not even a memory. One has to have experienced years of emoting to lift oneself out of a past trauma.

Orgone Therapies  knowledge is essential when you have anorgonia. The abuses are deep and unconscious. Stress brings up the unconscious and awakens the deeper Orgone and can be startling.The spontaneity of Orgone can overwhelm the constricted body. 

Practicing the Gag reflex that is taught in Orgone Therapy helps to identify the hidden deep cellular stillness. As recommended by Dr. Reich, an essential to alleviating anorgonia is to sit in an orgone accumulator or be covered by an Orgone Blanket. As one is going through awareness it becomes evident that  shallow breathing has lowered Orgone in the body. One needs to respond to the overwhelming old abusive feelings overtaking consciousness. Old emotions can feel new. Having  Orgone recharge from these amazing Orgone accumulators will keep you in balance by awakening a deeper awareness. 

  

When old abuse gets stimulated by the present verbal or physical abuse the past and the present combining is very challenging. Not being loved, means not being touched, held; modeled physical Orgone movement. Woven into our bodies abuse needs appropriate replies.  You need to emote to keep Orgone streaming. It is not easy. The spontaneity of my new motility has fuller consciousness of Orgone's surprise movements. Full bodily expression is alive with its own timing, integrating old abuse into opening up parts of the body that was never activated.The release of Orgone is the bigger part of me that I suppressed. Orgone is life's expansion. 

For further information see Cosmic Superimposition by Wilhelm Reich  Pg. 216, 217