Try Out

I've been concentrating on writing a poetry cycle.
Basically four parts. It is based on Wilhelm Reichs
4 part cycle.



The Orgone Way

When all my hopes and plans
Fall apart, and all my desires are
Crushed. When my body shrinks
My hands shake, my vision blurs,
No friends to be found, family becomes
Strangers, than I know I will take the
Time to say how fortunate I am.
Fuel for my rage, fuel for my anger,
Fuel for my grief. Fuel for becoming
One with the Orgone.

When There Is No Love There Is Always Food

Tonight I'm planning an old favorite of Shrimp in a Boat. When I was a kid we went to Nathans
in Coney Island. Fried Shrimp with tartar sauce in initiall paper boat (later plastic boat).
Sweet it was with plastic family. Yes at times the family was paper but it was few and gnawed those times like that old bone. Food so primal. Eating fills me with pleasure. Survival allows me to seek other pleasures. Food so necessary for making my life better. I'm all for making life better. Turning the dark and light into better.
For me knowledge comes after feeling. Sometimes years. I'll be walking empty headed wondering what the next will bring and then I recognize that is what it meant. So I'm more patient these day, thanking  my teachers for their shoulders.

I rush to the rose garden.
Twilight and the view.
The music of the spheres is playing my
Song in sunset red.
The clouds form
A Blakian man on one knee.
Looking up I
Wonder if I'm falling or getting
Up. Diamonds in the sky looking
Into my heart.
I am being called.
Not knowing if I
Passed or failed.
I stare with all my
Soul. Hours go by.
The next day I see the same
Figure in a gallery.
Years later I see the same figure on
The cover of a Book Of Job.
The falling begins the rising.

Peepers

Its spring.

The peepers sounds in the  pond.

Holding hands. Your blue eyes 

Comforting. Sharing the birds flight.

The uplifting tree.

The tomato smells, the lawn being cut. 

Your essence on me.

You call me to the kitchen.

We watch the Egret lift off.

The leaves are falling

Colored like a rainbow, the hot

Air balloon is rising.

The winter awaits us.

Were planning dinner. 

Snow underlines branches.

Our spirit rises up

Embracing we hear the peepers..

Buried

Buried 

Forgotten breath.

Unrequited signs.

Retribution buried.

No clear path.

Finding the rhythm,

Economy of breath.

Pulled, woken by another

Hand.

I hear angels crying..

Gladîator

Gladiator One For The Mick


In Memory of Alfred Schweitzman





The banging of the black iron fence

Recalls my childhood. On my toes looking into

The bathroom mirror. The part

Must be straight.

Cowboy boots, new Levi Jeans,

Cowboy hat: I was ready for action.

Downstairs no one listens.

Outside the air cold pure,

Like it was for the dinosaurs.

My club, a stick, I use to rattle

The iron fence. My hair blows in the wind.

Little boy with your shiny brown

Hair I hear you crying.

I’ll be good; I’ll be good God.

The rain came and it bubbled in

The gutter. The bubbling

No more rain, too bad.



My mother not once

Comes to say goodnight;

That’s dad’s job.

The night the aerie hum begins.

Who are those heads floating out

Of the locked closet?

Hearing voices I crawl.

Outside my sisters room. I

Watch through a mirror.

My mother studies my sister

At three A.M. telling her men

Only want sex.

Talking props.

Now my mother waits for me at the

Door. I shrink.



The gatling stick on the iron fence

Accompanies me. Leaves are falling,

I kick them.

Meeting your friends helps.

Alfie yelling out his window

He’ll be down. Shelly’s there and Joel

And Nat and Allen: our rogue family.

Each has his own guiding star.


The Mick is pulling me to

The schoolyard.

The Mick’s speed, strength:

A river of power. He knows

The taping ritual. He saviors

 

The batting box where the pain leaves.

The Mick’s beatific smile

Never reveals his injuries;

Thousands roar. Pain no more.

Spartacus with a bat.



The boy saw it like the moon.

He smacked it with his bat.

A whirlwind of power could change everything.

Gladiators never die.

My troop is waiting for me,

And the staccato of the iron fence.

Dr. Wilhelm Reich and Orgone Therapy

I am adding a update on this post because the title makes it seem like I'll be writing about Dr. Reich. I am writing about how his therapy he developed changed my life. Though as an introduction I'll heartily recommend one of his great books, Character Analysis, third edition, for me it's The Bible of our times: it is the treatise for 21 Century Psychological Therapy but also the therapy of the future, Orgone Therapy.

There is way too much for me too say, and I am chagrined, embarrassed to even begin to review Dr. Reich's book. Suffice it to say that I am a Jail House Reichian. What that means is Dr. Reich's work saved my life, and I can go on and on about the work. 

Addiction is better than being depressed, in fact addiction temporarily relieves depression. Now one feels good, alive and let us not question results, and addiction takes root. Relieving depression means you feel pleasure. Orgone has been moved and the anxiety also feels relieved. Not only is the addictive state blocking anxiety but also feels comfortable. Good chance the addictive feeling reminds one of a childhood feeling of safety. In control and not being seen.

.

Being an adult one goes out and seeks pleasurable experiences. The search causes some trepidation and fear. Feeling especially vulnerable, causes a falling back into controlling your fear by choosing an addictive pursuit. 
Addiction often feels like you have acted correctly until the addictive substance wears off.

 .

The movement of Orgone in the body for the addicted is invisible. The compelling nature of addiction is the need for the addictive state. Addiction is a wall that protects the person from experiencing truly feeling. Addiction feels better than confused, depressed state but only as long as the addiction lasts. Than one is back to being flat or anxious etc. Not only are you concerned with anxiety but also the murderous response when you tell the abuser how pissed you are with affect. The armor is a double edge sword;:protects  you, keeps you safe and murders your own feelings. Why is the addictive state better than breathing and relationship? The armor is holding the Orgone from moving outward. Once upon a time the armor formed to block out horrible experience.  Addictive substances are used to feel pleasure without the memories of the trauma. We like the addiction.Here is the horrible rub addiction is a horrible habit that seems to solve a problem. The excitement from the addictive choice moves the Orgone and excites the person. If o H ne can choose therapy and the practice of learning about how Orgone moves in your body then inch by inch one can slowly drop the addiction.

  

We all ran from the abuse once and to experience the abuse as an adult is still as difficult; perhaps more difficult because you have to expunge the past and we fight like hell not to. That is why you have millions of people going around saying it is not necessary to be in therapy. Remove the addiction. the armor, and one will experience awareness of what caused you to choose addiction. Flush the addiction away too quickly and panic will arrive. Let your unrestricted breathing be your addiction. Be prepared to experience the full yin and yang of life. 

One of Dr. Reich's colleagues, Dr. Sharaf said, when one is feeling different and one is working on changing, that new feeling will be uncomfortable but you will know your on the right track. Expansion of Orgone will bring new directions and better choices to your life. Dr. Reich's life was a living monument that loved human's potential. Dr. Reich worked feverishly to bring healing to humanity. He understood the immense yearnings that were squashed by modern cultures complexity and discovered ways to illuminate the difficult journey of awareness. Instead of being celebrated he was persecuted.

I read Character Analysis periodically when I feel confused, worried and the book never fails to refocus me. The third edition is Dr. Reich's up to date info on Orgone, the energy that Dr. Reich finally utilized late in his therapy, and research. Dr. Wolfe the translator worked closely with Dr. Reich. My favorite chapter is The Schizophrenic Split. Dr. Reich explains through careful sessions with his patient the etiology of the schizophrenic split.

Why is Dr. Reich still maligned? Human misery seeks release and the one eyed in a blind world is murdered for reminding them of being crippled. Today we are fortunate to read Dr. Reich's work and appreciate and relish his amazing detailed genius

Vision

Walking with his mother
At eight he goes down on one knee.
And up as quickly.
Now trying to rise, arms outstretched
He remembers.
The bird left through the front door.
Rising.
He stands straight.

at the end you are not in control

Get nervous. Learn fear. Death is an unknown. Don't know how to express fear
and the awesome streamings in the body that will come. Better learn. That shaking, movement of energy moving through the body is the earthquake of repressed feelings finally erupting. God knows those new feelings will feel like a hurricane. Go with the wind: the energy is you. Let those streamings go and the warm glow of balance will return. Got to learn and practice how to feel because dying will waken all your feelings, and my guess is fear will need to be expressed big time.
All you have is your filtering perceptions. Will they be there when your dead? Will the memories be there? 

I accepted life with my nuclear family would never change and what never changed was my stilled energy. Just accepted  everything cause you got beaten
or isolated: do not accept. Recognize that you (I) feel unsatisfied. If I would protest or question my parents way of being the isolation would get loud.

Now there is a load of repressed, stored, unexpressed feelings  moving through my body; those  streamings will feel weird, horrible, run from them. That's what I do. In fact lay down on the bed and run. Breathe hard go with it. Now if you think this description is strange, actually if you got this far you don't. Feeling energy in your body is your birthright. Not feeling the streamings is actually horrible; it's just that's what our culture, family wants.
Ignorance is not bliss: it is the wrapping on addiction.
Breathe my brothers and sisters. 

Control and Opening the Door

The mask is a possum for me. How does the mask become known?
How does the mask equal a lump of coal? How does deadening of the feerglings occur?
No movement of energy in the body is like a mask; the mask is a cover up for hidden guerrilla
anger. The mask is like a door both are hiding the deeper part that needs seeing  and feeling.

As a baby the only way to survive is to become the possum. Too hide, to cry is to illicit anger or confused responses. What does the babies crying mean? By putting on a mask, the mask reassures everyone that all is well.

The flat smiling baby begins his new journey seeking who am I. I have pondered pictures of the door and the door symbolic significance for a while.

Today I see the door as a symbol of my hidden energy. The door is me deciding not to experience my dysfunctional world. As a baby I began the process of closing down my breathing, dulling my feelings; flatlining my expressions so as not to make myself too visible to myself or my world: life was to dangerous. Becoming that lump of coal is safe. No longer feeling fear.
What happens when you open the door?

Babies (also adults in emergencies) defense is to close off the fear till there is time to be safe. Now during other fear inducing experiences as an adult the repressed fear will begin to emerge and you will panic because no one has taught or modeled for you how to feel. Panic is bursting Orgone. That door brings to pen and feeling alive feels strange yet that will morph into what feeling alive is: it's only different because it's new. Now will change onto what you've been searching for.

Telling the truth is
the first step to losing control of the fantasy that you are in control. Acknowledging that you do not know how the truth will affect anybody's response begins the magical scary movement of feeling life's streaming flow of energy. Easy to say, difficult to want to experience. Loss of control is exciting but now the vortex of memory surfaces and the emotions of previous non controllable moments envelop you. Loss of control can bring on the panic of previous memories affecting the present. Not prepared for the frenzy of these panicked emotions or the ability or the tools to understand we panic. We fall back to previous addictive behaviors to take away feeling in all its vulnerabilities. Ultimately if you get through the panic without exercising drug control or other types of control than you awaken on the shore of the Scifi nature of our
growing pulsating being.

Emotional Plague, the emotional web that inflicts all of us. The emotional plague a term coined
by Dr. Reich to signify deep rooted emotional sickness that like a virus spreads invisibly
through human contact. Not wanting to see our parents, doctors, everyone dysfunctions
we join them by wrapping our energetic streams in knots blocking our flow of self awareness. We keep the door locked.

Freud got sublimation right. Not knowing how to find satisfaction one finds escape in sublimation fulfilling. Sublimation a better form of addiction. Not as dangerous also accepted often applauded.

One of the most insidious ways of sublimation is to give up your life for your children. Because knowing how to feel is so hidden and obscure and prevalent in our society and approved you can substitute your focus onto children and forget your unhappiness. Sublimation like addiction focuses oneself outside the flow of self regulated streaming of the Orgone (energy).

With the help of an Orgonomist who with the help of Dr. Reich's  Orgone Therapy can slowly prod
the unwrapping of the energy. This process is slow and dangerous. No one wants to feel how screwed up they are, and how lost they are. Panic begins to happen at the first sign of this ragged truth. Not remembering how to express fear causes the panic. The fear has unconscious memories that one instinctively repressed for not being cared for. Your survival is dependent on adults that mean well in there dysfunction.

The web of feeling has no floor and going with the stream of energy is new.
Accept the panic, express the fear, and trust your energy will slowly lead you to the next feeling. Remember what you practiced, tried in Therapy. Now use the panic to remember the past.
Seeking understanding is a worthy pursuit and achieved after allowing feelings to move through our organism. The pulse of energy lies ready to emerge. Behind that closed door initially lies

bursting uncontrollable energy; like a sudden flood. That is why a Orgone Therapist is there.
The door holds the energy flat. The flatness and disappearance of feeling invisibly blocks the pain of rejection. To feel is to be punished. 

New day

Every breath I take I give thanks to Dr. Reich and Dr. Rinn; Dr. Reich discovered how to unlock feelings in human beings and for Dr. Rinn for being wise and patient. Believe me Dr. Rinn saved my life by applying Dr. Reich's amazing Orgone therapy. Not only was I a middle class brat but an ex hippie wannabe rebel going nowhere. Soon to walk into a truck or a violent relationship. 

Addiction and denial were in every one of my breaths. I was frozen: couldn't let go and experience the natural expression of laughter without pharmaceuticals. I felt so weird; felt so strange. When my ex wife who was seeing a Orgone Therapist laughed so deeply I knew I needed to see Dr. Rinn.

Addiction. If You or I could experience our flow of pulsating energy without freaking out both of us would be not only free of addiction but also have a satisfied and happy life. So much for wishes.

With every breath energy is taken in and stimulates the release of energy in the body.

How does the energy feel? Like a tingling. Like you belong. Like a bird lifting within you. Like the gentle roll of the ocean. Like a large amoeba pulsing and weirdly conscious.

Our energy should rise and fall like a wave: the in breath similar to a expanding wave and the out breath the downward swell all producing the rise and fall of the pulsating orgone within us. Unlocking the movement within us is the work: if love is rarer than gold it's because becoming Orgone aware is the job of a lifetime: love is Orgone merging with the opposite sex and the flow is pulsating. 

What holds one back becoming this new person?

Learning to express your feelings is like being born anew except tearing down ones armor is

letting go of the character that has stabilized and saved your life. Floating in Orgone sounds good but for the emotional plagued it a journey that makes conquering Everest seem easy.

But the view from half way is spectacular.