not until we're lost do we beg to understand ourselves. ThoreauThe journey has been long. Along the way one makes mistakes, often they are addictive mistakes. Substituting food, sex, drugs, work, people as an escape from Orgone (energy) streaming, of spontaneous expression: burying memories of neglect, of rejections, in yearning for our desires to be met that every human seeks.
In every religion, therapy, true change occurs when the person begins a new path that one has to learn completely. If you think you have the answers then new change will not happen unless one feels lost, anxious, and desperate for help, finally practicing new behavior. I found myself in that situation.
Who knew. It was the Summer Of Love when I arrived in San Francisco in 1967; a gathering of neglected runaways, college dropouts, peace activists, and cultural revolutionaries, using drugs, rock and roll as medicine to cure ignorance. The Haight filled with thousands rummaging streets, embracing each other, spreading hope.
I found a little apartment in the Haight Ashbury section. I still remember the first day I took the M trolley to San Francisco State College. I looked out at a clear view. I was waiting by a tunnel. A strange trolley approached like a miniature train and I felt I was in a different world of rolling hills, of wooden houses, painted bright colors. I felt new, reborn. Then I went off to Graduate School, English Major. God school felt all wrong. How can I feel so good one second and so bad the next? As the school went along I compared it to the happenings on Haight Street. It was a carnival of happenings. You couldn't walk down Haight St, later named Love Street, without a chaos of friendly people asking for dollars for some grass or acid. It was totally fun, alive, and the answers were out there. Timothy Leary, Ram Das and Yoga. I was all in and Graduate school became a burden.
It is a curse growing up in this USA culture, and like the fool in the Taro I was smiling. Parents who only focused on survival,and knew nothing else.
I was 7 and my family were driving to Florida. on the way we would count the miles to the next Stuckey's location, a confectionery that sold pecan rolls that I loved: so sweet. I couldn't eat enough.My addiction to sweets always and still is a way to distract me. There was food in the car, some car games, license plates, and there is a horse. Except no one in my family even wondered how you were doing, or God forbid feeling. Yes God wanted her obeyed, it was Mom and the hatchet was driving the car. The candy was our reward for listening and being silent. The problem was being nailed closed, the candy confirmed that I had no depth, no feelings. I had candy fuel that allowed me to bypass any recognition of a body: no body, no understanding of the unconscious.
My past has many layers, memories of San Francisco. I found an apartment on Baker Street near the Haight and I was surprised; the streets were packed with long haired people, literally hundreds, whispering every five feet, acid five dollars, grass. I was far away from where I grew up and Penn St. where I graduated. I was going to San Francisco State College to get my masters in Literature. Nothing that I truly wanted. But I was following my credo, be like a flexible person and make the best choice: staying out of the army, Vietnam, and being with my girlfriends, even though I was being sneaky about it with my family and my girlfriend. But I was following my bliss and knew nothing
about suffering.
Berkeley for me was Telegraph Avenue; it was the street that led to the University Of California. It was always crowded particularly during the day when going to school was in session. Literally hundreds of people would walk the 6 main blocks to campus. On Telegraph near Dwight Way was Moe's Books; the classic three story bookstore that I would visit often and bought some of my favorite books. Next store was Shambhala Books, a eastern Philosophical bookstore that as a a Yoga student I would buy some of my meditation books. I noticed that Carlos Castaneda would be giving a talk. I had just read his first book and found it fascinating. Then for the coup de grace Timothy Leary would be giving a talk the next day at a large auditorium.
It was a hectic time of hippies, the Vietnam war and Psychedelic revolution starring Timothy Leary the guru of hallucinogens'..
Leary wrote in his book High Priest, pg.21, "The advantage of the mushroom is that it puts many (if not everyone) within the reach of this state without having to suffer the mortification of Blake and St. John. And pg.26, "At last you know what the ineffable is and what ecstasy means", As usual Leary's talk was funny, charged with high hope, and spontaneously interrupted by a naked woman who crashed the talk. Ultimately drugged ecstasy was temporary. Drugs were too strong, and dangerously revealing for me, as my relationships crumbled. I needed more.
I went to hear Carlos Castaneda. speak about his first book, The Teachings Of Don Juan. It was in the basement of Shambhala Books in Berkeley.
Carlos Castaneda, he was a small man, in a three piece suit. His hair was cut close to his head. He was a careful anthropologist who documented the Toltec secrets by being initiated into then by his Naguel Don Juan Matus. Castaneda wrote a series of books. The books, narrated in the
first person, relate his experiences under the tutelage of a
Yaqui "Man of Knowledge" named D
on Juan Matus. His 12 books have sold more than 28 million copies in 17 languages. There are many reports of the factual nature of Castaneda's books. Having met him briefly at a book tour I was convinced that he spoke the truth of his experiences. He projected a sincere persona and there was no doubt in me that he was telling the truth. Carlos gave off the air of helper. A man who would be totally loyal but careful.
I was definitely not going to follow Carlos Castaneda into Mexico. It was too foreign for me. I was rooted in the USA. Timothy Leary, super positive, charming was more my style, but the drugs were too unpredictable. And so I began my fascination with Yoga and Meditation. During this time I continued to read all of Castaneda's new books and the wisdom of his teacher was undeniable. My personable life was in a turmoil. Yoga and meditation centered me, and the control, hope and peace that I felt allowed me to continue. The history of Meditation from Hinduism to Buddhism, and Tibetan Meditation techniques relies on stilling the mind by stilling the body. Sitting and allowing thoughts to wander past, one focuses on breath and the hypnotic experience that combination awakens.
Not knowing who I was I got married. We ultimately lost interest sexually and that sent me into a swirl. Being appropriate is haphazard. The bar is notorious for finally hooking up. But waking up with strangers will not work long term and so the addictive pattern leads to depression.
For the first time I became continually anxious. Because Yoga calmed me down I began a study with Kriyananda, a disciple of Yogananda. It all seemed correct. I always believed in a greater power and Yoga did also. Judaeo Christianity felt innocuous, and all their answers never spoke to my sexual biology. But ultimately Kriyananda when being initiated asked us to be celibate; I also knew it became the wrong path. Though I continued doing Yoga and developed a study of Zen Meditation techniques, studying Suzuki's One Mind. I had some strong experiences of sweating in the cold mornings, and experiencing slowing down my heart. I practiced Hatha Yoga and Raja meditation for 7 years. Every morning I would awake at 5 AM and first do Hatha for about 1 hour and then meditate using different breathing exercises, and Self Realizations special breathing techniques. I found just sitting and watching and listening to myself the most effective at calming me down. I began to do these practices twice, once in the morning and then again in the afternoon. I felt insulated from the craziness of the world. It was very reassuring to feel independent of all. I would sit and meditate and feel so special, like God was waiting for me. Specially sitting in the yoga meditation position demands a fixed contracted posture. This posture by freezing the muscles stops most energy except the movement of breath. The Lotus position preoccupies most of one's consciousness and allows one to feel present. Meditation was a way to be safe without destructive addictions. Anxiety has been eliminated: no feelings except a frozen pleasure.
Becoming a living pulsating human illuminates the the micro and macro pulse. As we pulse so does the universes. The Hindu religion recognized macro OM to soothe out the difficulties humans face as we evolve. It is a comforting vibration when the emotional plague throws Dr. Reich in prison. Orgone Therapy has a direct approach by expressing emotions. Both use breath and sound. Orgone Therapy alerts us to not only our Orgone paradigm but the the many unknown possibilities.
So what happened that took me away from Yoga? If I could have meditated all day and never wanted to have relations with women I would still be doing Yoga. Except I was very attracted to the opposite sex and slowly that connection taught me that Yoga would only protect me from truly knowing myself. I surmised that Yoga and meditation is helpful because it keeps one safe from dealing with denial, in fact it reinforces denial.
Ultimately my chaotic marriage dissolved. Yet being single and alone I began to re-experience anxiety. Thankfully my previous wife was able to recommend a Orgone Therapist, Dr. Rinn. I was working in the Haight and would travel to Oakland (On Alcatraz St. hah) to his office. It began as a difficult Therapy. I was 25, but Dr. Rinn, taught by Dr. Duvall who was trained by Dr. Reich, had all the tools to get under my skin. After 8 years of Therapy I decided I knew enough to be on my own. Orgone is the movement of energy that Yoga, shamanic teachings, and drugs did not fully access. You must re-experience the inhibited past to become a fully functioning empathetic, ecstatic human being.
The search for meaning and understanding of the Human species begins at birth. When the struggle to be born, through a narrow non moving tunnel, to horrible birth practices and a culture that limits touch leads to a frozen baby who begins a fantasy that all is OK. Bodily contraction's catapults the over emphasis on thinking and cuts off the sensations of the body by not wanting to either feel the pain of isolation and early medical abuse. Slowly the physical body continues to grow but fantasy, and too much thinking becomes a habit that seems like normalcy. Holding different muscular contractions preoccupies consciousness and emotions are without affect: this becomes a habit, a tremendously ingrained habit that becomes one's character, one's vision of the world. The family becomes a way to confirm this reality and brings some pleasure: a little Orgone is a powerful stimuli to keep a continued pattern. Movement, hormones and puberty wake the body in a limited way. The little sex allowed generally will be found difficult, uncomfortable and anxiety producing. Nobody will find an answer to their questions unless they even have questions. Survival, standard cultural norms will be followed instead of seeking one's own knowledge. Being appropriate is haphazard. Confusion is ameliorated with coffee in the morning and liquor at night. These two work because they release some of the held in armor, contractions of the musculature and finally some awareness of needs.
Having no body is an unconscious Orgone burial that happens because of abuse: basically different types of adult anger: contracted birth, harsh birth practiced by hospitable s, circumcision, a poverty of touch, all leading to different types of illness. No body. Having no body leads to too much thinking, to perversions and addictions.
When Orgone streamings are non existent than rules substitute for authentic ideas, action and work,
Reliving the past, to access the unconscious, is the cornerstone of any successful Therapy, one that Castaneda, Don Juan calls recapitulations and uses techniques that have drugs and violence to awaken the past in a haphazard way. Truly those who do not understand the past are doomed to repeat it. Carlos has to go over his past and find where it affected him.
Dr. Reich discovered how to awaken a person, the past trauma, without drugs; Orgone Therapy knows how to awaken the Orgone, energy by hands on work. It has its immense challenges. No one is immune from wanting to escape the expression of a hidden character that lies in the unconscious: what one has hidden, buried, frozen. Now the flow of Orgone will instinctively make sense. Unlike Don. Juan's escape to other worlds to find satisfaction now the path to completion is knowable and here. Dr. Reich's story is a progression of a conscious revolution that uncovers human beings' buried unconscious. Not only was it enlightening, but amazingly brave and heroic. Still foolishly overlooked. He cannot be praised enough.
The movement of Orgone to the surface of the body can be accomplished many different ways from hallucinating drugs, to meditating in a deep cave( similar to Dr. Reich's Orgone Box both containing high amounts of iron absorbing Orgone, the psychic Edger Cayce also used iron ). The difference in Don Juan's approach and Yoga, is there is no depth of understanding. One doesn't understand how one's character has formed to protect oneself from feeling: character is a defense from being overwhelmed by a traumatic feeling. Don Juan accesses these feelings by putting his disciples in untenable situations which causes eruptions of Orgone; the definitive moment for Carlos Castaneda and for me is when Carlos is attacked in a planned sabotage by one of Don Juan's helpers. His life is totally in danger and he needs to unlock his core Orgone to survive. (George Harrison also attacked and experienced a similar upheaval, the song called Looking For My Life https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd0tA3d-xwc) Don Juan's manipulation turned me off completely; what a desperate, nasty way to access ones hidden energy. Not for me. And ultimately Don Juan ended his legacy of teaching. Perhaps because of cruelty.
Yoga uses practicing for hours and being celibate to illicit the unconscious Prana (Orgone). Being in touch with that Prana is empowering: it takes effort, discipline and the rewards is some awareness. Castaneda, and Don Juan use methods that are dangerous situations, and drugs and absorbing the energy from your own revolt at passivity. Unlike Yoga, Don Juan does use recapitulation, and some knowledge of how your past holds one back from entering into the second awareness, or the appearance of the unconscious and its energy to elicit a deeper view of reality. The feeling of being totally alive is different in all three modalities. In yoga and accessory systems its a stiffening of the body, contracting sitting musculature and breathing till a self hypnosis occurs and one enters an outer body experience. Specifically meditations create the wake up, while Orgone emotions wakes repressed Orgone. It is an important difference because meditation leaves you with a partial therapy, a partial flow of energy to the surface of the body, a partial knowledge. Orgone Therapy awakens a deeper flow in the body; one experiences a revolutionary opening, a knowledge, that floods the consciousness.
In Orgone Therapy I opened to enlightened pleasure that did not have the imbalance of inflated ego and contempt: complete surrender in sexual union can be accessed if one has released chronic unconscious tension. It is necessary to reexperience the blank, the contraction that needed a loving touch from the mother to awaken the full picture of a fully alive human being. Without that contact the initial tension will block understanding, and the search for wisdom will be an on growing problem: no need for drugs, meditation addiction when the original template is within; rediscovered because of Dr. Wilhelm Reich.
The reason we are all so attracted to babies is not Oh they will continue me, no its there simple knowledge of oneness, of a no doubt unity of being, its pleasure without comment. Giggle it's life.
Like a non moving river a blocked body needs to release the blocked Orgone to survive. Addiction is a partial release that moves armor, that blocks orgasmic pleasure, Orgone feeds understanding that leads to enlightenment. Now I realized after being part of the tune in, turn on, drop out generation, then morphing to meditation and yoga and finally Orgone Therapy that all of them have one energetic component in common: moving energy in the body.
There is just one movement and its Orgone; interfere with the living experience of Orgone and you get addictive mistakes: addiction partial release that moves armor, blocking full release. Addiction is a substitutes for "Love, work, and knowledge". All the the restrictions that one has buried in the unconscious will be felt Orgonomically.
Being unconscious of repressing contractions of musculature, of freezing Orgone then one doesn't experience one's body. No body, no superimposition. Only the lessening of one's armor, releasing the held in Orgone do you finally understand.
The search for meaning, answers, is written right in our bodies: it is the unified Orgone experience. We are Orgone. Our Orgone moves in response to our interconnections with everything in our universe. Superimposition is the matrix of our life; fusing together sexuality to experience the clarity of living. Through the body, our hands, our mouth, we reach out to each other, to embrace; that is why the intellect dissolves when we emotionally embrace each other. Intercourse opens full streaming that clarifies, relaxes, and makes understanding understood.
Are you the object, the victim of someone's no body. That person has no empathy. Having no Orgone streaming you have only the other person. The unconscious of unfinished trauma will project, will release, will blame other people for your own inadequacy. Held in Orgone will use other people inappropriately for release. Horribly on the macro level its murder, it's war.
Only Orgone Therapy has the complete picture with no escape to other worlds. It's here and now. If your not Orgone breathing than you lost life's engine. True breathing experiences the perimeters of the body. Vulnerability is felt with the the rise and fall of the lungs moving against the body and feeling Orgone. Empathy for everyone is real. Dr. Wilhelm Reich we owe you a great thanks and instead you were martyred. I for one am flabbergasted by your genius, I wish we all were.
Don't continue to have no body. Once shallow breathing seemed like life. Stress, abuse shut you down. Now awake. Realize you must feel your lungs open in your chest: your muscles soft, able to relax and contract, moving you. Being frozen, emotions weren't conscious, no one had emotions, no one experienced their body. But now be truly alive.by expressing your Orgone, your emotions. Be amazed when Orgone happens spontaneously; that is life.
