Mountain Top

Looking back took forty years to see That catch 22 kept me silent. 

No complaints, no awareness, no know.

 Get angry get beaten. 

Divorced from the puke. 

I have only yearning that keeps me looking at what is past.

 At times I looked to you for for what was not you. I know you saw the Rex in me. 

I loved the fox in you, your sway, your simplicity. 

We turned the banal into pleasure. 

What is 40 years? 

Rex reigned 150 million years.

 I roar for my anger at time knows no limit. Some duster

 will map our skeletons, Not knowing your saintly heart.

Orgone Therapy

I often counted the stars on my ceiling. They
Shined. Then that morning I was taken
Out of my room.
He lied there, no movement, white.
Cold. Ruthless, I would never
Be like him. Who are these people?
I would find another way.
Never pinched like my Grandfather.

Made Me Smile

  



                           She speaks French.
                           The French pop playing.
                           I am doing catto, and wishing
                           For a different outcome.

                           Lately I have seen other worlds.
                           They beckon me.
                        
                           I was reborn through Orgone.
                           Invisible hands held my face and kissed
                           My cheek.
                           Beyond my understanding, Spirit.
                           Then I turn
                           The laundry piled in the corner.
                          

Memories

                 

                  It was Wordsworth who watched the pebble 

                  Circled back to the edge of the Pond.

                  Our eating, our movements take us back. 

                  Reminding of our past

               
                
                   She laid there comatose,  Her tit dry.
                   Who was that? My
                   Tortured movements.
                   Kill that blob of fat.

         .

                  

                

Secrets

I saw Martha Stewart fold a fitted sheet. It took about 14 steps to make it lie flat and square and then to put it into her perfectly fitted organized closet. I was flabbergasted. Perfection can be away to hide secrets. If it is viewed as success than no need to look beneath the veneer.

I have been a detective all my life trying to figure out my life. There was no halo above my head just trial and error. No one in my family saw fit to explain anything to me. On the whole this was a dangerous way to grow up but better than the make do philosophy of my peers. Basically don't examine and make money. Understandable but sure fire way to ultimately be miserable: without love, and knowledge, addiction is a poor lover. So what is the chance for any type of happiness in our culture, when to have any fun and release one needs to break the rules. Then you have secrets and that means addictive patterns.

First addiction can be anything that moves the Orgone but is actually filled with anxiety, and some pleasure. Control the reality, project perfection and ones addiction, betrayal and shame is hidden. As a adult secrets leads to dishonesty and misery. 

I was living with a French cook and I got huge. Put the food in front of me and I was addicted. Food in my family was the only pleasure and a big part of escape. Pizza down the street, bakeries on every corner. Then of course puberty came and the complications of another primal drive. Often addiction can be sexual; relieving the boredom by having many assignations keeps one in a strange game of perpetual addiction.

As a baby, as a child being isolated by typical abuses breeds a cruel and murderous unconscious. I froze the movement of Orgone as a baby to protect myself from the abuse. All it took was nothing. My unconscious did the rest. By holding down orgone flow by contraction I was able to block the memory of abuse. Then those unexpressed feelings fester, multiply and breed addiction and the Emotional Plague becomes ones character.

When I had no movement, I had no feelings, and I would lay in my crib neglected by the hours happy not to be abused either by incompetent Doctors or by unfeeling adults. Staying hidden protected me from the abusers. The abusers when named liberate old feelings.

The addict's excess Orgone has there own hidden needs and must be actualized. When Orgone is blocked by armor, through the holding in of hidden feelings then the resulting hidden anger will be metamorphosed through addiction and not be conscious. The armor now has restricted consciousness; cruelty, contempt. A nasty character becomes the face of addiction; and that anger is unpredictable. Those cruel ,memories are festering held in rage one has forgotten, and now energize your addiction; addiction is a continuous compulsion to find some pleasure and some release from past abuse. Addiction is the release valve on ones consciousness, on ones Orgone. One way or another, even transposed, those hidden feelings will be expressed. The pressure to release the excess Orgone is stupefying.

Addictions partial release is what drives addictions continuation, and out of control feels good. Pleasure, the movement of Orgone to the surface of the body without total release is addictive. The desire for unlocking one's unsatisfied frozen Orgone with addictive pleasure compels the addictive action. Orgone stuck is frozen character, a mask that can not be satisfied: a full release that will not be found. The horror, the tapestry of our culture, is blinded to these truths, and denies their value. Tragedy after tragedy and I see no end of their ignorance.

My realizations continues, and as my controls dissolve. I am experiencing more of the excitement of a balanced life. I have been fortunate to have been in Orgone Therapy. Secrets and addictions go together. Both can be isolating. Both take away sharing ones reality. Sharing one's Orgone is a recognition of one of the great moments in history: Dr. Reich's Theory that humans are Orgone  producers and need to express the extra produced Orgone, orgasmically, through sexual intercourse. It is the complete sexual release that ends addiction.

Survival

I became a total failure and that led me to survive. I went to college and wound up in grad school. I wasn't any great scholar but I wound up in the Haight Ashbury in the hippie era. If I had any skills or talent besides getting high, which led me to Yoga, it would have surprised me, just nothing. I liked meditation. It had some benefit but no release. I was lost and single; marriage, sex, and love were confusing. If I had some talent I would have thrown myself into my skills and went on. Would have kept on. But I was really screwed up and really nothing satisfied me. If I had any idea of what satisfied meant.

Was it luck? Was it the hidden connections of my life? I would like to think so that brought me to Dr. Rinn. Now I do have a few skills. I became a Massage Therapist. I understand Nutrition from working in the field and studying. I enjoy writing poetry and I practice singing and playing some. What brought me to waking up and experiencing this life journey and not a short lived life was Dr. Reich's Orgone Therapy. To this day, everyday Orgone Therapy saves my life. If I had some talent I would never had learned how to be fully alive.


I am reminded of Jesus saying one must be drowning before one can be saved. These days I relate that to addictions. If one has made it through childhood with some skills, a way to succeed in our culture with non lethal addictions than one will happily walk into the wall of failure at an advanced age and not experience the need for knowledgable help.

Growing up I watched my father smoke, and the men who work for him all smoke and drink. My mother never ate in front of me but she was huge. No one talked and no one paid much attention to each other. My father thankfully was the exception; he visited my brother and me every night to share his kind caring. My mother never would even say goodnight. 

When I confronted my mother as a adult she denied everything. I had heard my mother voicing hateful thoughts, hating men, late at night to my sister. My mother was the obedient wife and had performed her wifely duties silently to my fathers grunting. No need to explain the facts of life when you can learn it on the street. The lack of comfort, understanding and physical closeness from my mother would cause a unknown anger and spiteful feelings. 

The past what a subtle horror. Its subtle because I had learned as a baby how to shut down. Yet all the experiences are stored in the contracted body. What is left is what I call the reporting brain. It takes notes and stores memory. Does not feel. Waiting to awaken. What a shock when that part of me feels.The bigger part. The bigger part of me doesn't like the culture of frozen feelings. It has trouble wanting to act like it is all normal.

I am being reminded what a difficult journey being a human.  I found I was not prepared for adulthood. Going through my tortuous journey I am remembering all the mistakes, the twists, the false starts, the wrong choices that I made. It was a map filled with illusions, fantasy, and confusion and only some genetic code of survival kept me going.

Now I have learned how to breathe correctly. Combining breath work with emoting allows me to enjoy my life even when all the obstacles are difficult. Dr. Rinn using Orgone Therapy knew my journey would not be easy. He visited me after I had completed my time with him. He took my hands and without saying a word acknowledged our shared knowledge. To this day I am grateful.

Breath. A Trillion Stars

Orgone Therapy can elicit these situations. Feelings come rushing in and now I am finally experiencing the abandonment that I could not allow myself to feel. Even though I have worked and prepared myself for my anger I find my stubbornness overwhelming.  I am lost. I will not move. What a sad protection. Then I will not be frozen. In the past the doctor helped, now I am expressing myself. The expression is the lifeboat. My breath is back.

Dropped down on the planet with the compulsion to go, to get going and continue on the journey that our Orgone motivates us to achieve. Every bit of knowledge becomes instrumental in taking the steps to understanding. If what's left of one's pulsation, life force connects to Dr. Reich's tragic, publicized death and his story generates interest, and like me you are lucky to find an Orgone Therapist then breath will be talked about, taught and experienced.

Eastern and Western mystics  have used breath as a way to enhance life. In my twenties I was  initiated into Kriya Yoga, and Zen breathing techniques and found both to be missing an essential core that Dr. Wilhelm Reich discovered. Full breathing without orgasmic release will cause confusion and anxiety in me. Every 3 to 8 seconds a breath is drawn. Most of the time we humans are not aware of it. In and out and totally forgotten. Inhalation is to the top, allowing the internally to open on its own,and immediately, intensely down to the very bottom which will instinctively, organically go back up.  Breath, or spirit as it is called in the Bible, is the link to truly being alive and wakes the unexpressed abusive  past. The opportunity for expression is a welcomed relief Now as I breathe I experience the movement of Orgone, a very humbling experience. When Orgone streaming combines with full breathing an invisible world becomes shining, pulsating. The movement of Orgone is eye opening.

Finding The Miracle

In Orgone Therapy a large amount of time is spent listening to how one's Therapists breathes, learning how to breathe by copying. You would think it would be easy but it is not. Breath is ones earliest defense. Shallow breathing is the earliest armor that protects one from feeling.

Growing up I had no knowledge my family was askew and simply I like any lemming would have died. What saved me as a child was going to kill me as an adult. Sports, eating too much food and not being at all conscious of the role I played in my family was not working for me. In fact it was causing a unnamed strange feeling, that was very uncomfortable. 

Now as a adult I was eating too much and having trouble holding a job. I was aloof, alone, anxious, without knowing what that meant, except I felt very weird, lost. I didn't even know denial existed and only through the genius of Dr. Reich, Dr. Rinn, I was able to experience myself in a way that allowed me to balance and feel pleasure, joy and yes anger, sadness also. But like any intense learning the Orgone work was very difficult and for a contemptuous, arrogant late 20 year old very challenging.

When one is born we are smiling Orgone. Wholly Orgone. When horrifying birth practices compress the Orgone, we shut down and we are in denial. These earliest experiences mold the Orgone into a one dimensional shallow character. Without expressing our primal emotions our armor develops to  repress our anger. The armor becomes the invisible way we experience, and react to our culture. Then as a adult ones unconscious angry patterns can be tested by needs that are not being met and a compulsion not understood can motivate anyone to seek an addicted release from the confusion from the ridged armor. 

Without help from an Orgone Therapist our childhood will poison our adulthood. Our childhood has to be felt; difficult, re-experiencing those earliest moments, it is the work of a lifetime. Don't let anyone tell you that Orgone Therapy is easy. So why did I do it? Whew. Why do Orgone Therapy if it so difficult?

The habits I developed were written in me like the stripes of a zebra and now I had to find the key, the thousand keys to make what was invisible, the unconscious appear. Orgone Therapy has the tools developed by Dr. Reich that took away the doubt, the confusion and allowed me to feel, and gave me the ability to express myself appropriately, well most of the time. The Therapy is hands on and gets through all the intellectual talk. You have to be ready to learn. Find the armor and want to express it.


Will Orgone Therapy work for you if you are not motivated by feeling really bad? I doubt it. If one finds addiction exciting and is able to ignore the severe long term consequences than the damage that we do to ourselves will never become conscious, unless a shock happens. I think you have to be drowning to want to do it. If you are a successful addict and have perfected your addiction than Orgone Therapy will not work. I have known people who would rather die rather then do the therapy, and Dr. Reich wrote that many patients he had died rather than stay in Therapy. No one wants to see there nuclear family, there neurotic mother and father, there broken family and how there unsatisfactory lives affected them. Going back and experiencing ones deranged parents, the lack of love can cause any one to want to run away. 

My addictive habits became unsatisfying and that is what continues to save me. Tasting a deeper satisfaction leads me to staying balanced. Without breath, I could not feel my own Orgone movement and not connect with a lovers The surprise in Orgone Therapy is feeling better by expressing the armor, the old hidden memories: understanding how feelings happen. Feeling right finally because I had feelings, palpable and releasing, and that is the key to staying with Therapy; being taught inch by inch the tools to change.

My addictive habits became unsatisfying and that is what continues to save me. Tasting a deeper satisfaction leads me to staying balanced.

Over time I learned, breath is the engine that propelled me to understand love. Love is the reaching out of Orgone in our bodies in connection and empathy to a shared lover. 

Without breath, I could not feel my own Orgone movement and not connect with a lovers. Breath stimulates the Orgone to expand as does love. Knowing love allows me to understand if the connection is deep or a temporary addiction. Feeling deeply allows me to make better choices.

The Big Three and Addiction

"Love, work, and knowledge are the well-springs of our life. They should also govern it".

Dr. Reich thought so highly of Love, Work, and Knowledge that he acknowledged they should be the driving forces of our lives. It is the epigraph in almost every book by Dr. Reich. I have thought why did Dr. Reich consider these three of such paramount importance. The answer only came to me through my own Orgone streaming. An awareness of emotions, streaming, and its spontaneous knowledge brought about an understanding of Dr. Reich's epigraph. Live those three and one's life will be fulfilled.

Work, Love, and Knowledge stream the Orgone. Dr. Reich felt these three provided the most satisfying and wholesome expansions of Orgone.

The view promulgated by Dr. Reich is that Human Beings are Orgone (energy) producers and will produce an excess amount of Orgone that should be released through complete orgasm. (Armor, stilled Orgone, makes sexual fulfillment unsatisfactory.). Not releasing this excess Orgone will cause troubles ranging from contemptuousness to schizophrenia. Being in denial and unaware humans seek unsavory ways of releasing excess Orgone, often in addictive patterns.The release of some Orgone in pursuing an addictive path will never be enough to provide for a fulfilled life.

What can go wrong with Love, Work and Knowledge? Love is a mystery. Love is assumed as attention, caring, and modeling and these behaviors though important are rooted in  connection through the deep contact of intercourse. When Orgone is released in intercourse streaming pleasure is the fulfillment that keeps couples together happily.

Work seems to be the addiction of our culture. Work can easily be justified by long hours, and excuses that seem reasonable. Survival often depends on working. I have no time for reading; I have heard often enough or I am fine. Actually I have said versions of these myself. I worked 60 hours a week and had little time for  introspection and less time for meaningful connection. A deep rooted fear of losing control of my status and not receiving the attention I needed for survival had driven me to overwork. The culture of the West added to this crowning effect by giving work success all the rewards of a hero returning from battle.

Knowledge is an exciting avenue to explore ones engagement with Orgone. The pursuit of knowledge must be intricately combined with excitement waking ones biological core. Knowledge that understands full body streaming will interpret the material world successfully. New information will be collected and tested by actual experience and not fantasy. 

I was lucky enough to find help in Orgone Therapy and only Orgone Therapy helped me. Dr. Reich's revolutionary thoughts can be understood by seeking Orgonomic Therapy. Love, Work, and Knowledge not only is an insightful pursuit but a guide for one's life.

Orgonomic Development

Addictive habits can be helped. Orgonomic Therapy has helped me. My character, each person's character, must be felt, understood, and only then will the addiction be relieved.

Information can be helpful in the patients understanding of the different schools of Therapy that developed after Dr. Reich died. The addict, a general term for anyone who uses any thing to promote a release of Orgone that is not caring, life preserving and is ultimately painful. The following information is my subjective experience and I welcome others to the blog sharing there experience.

I have been disappointed with the Orgone Therapists persona's since Dr. Reich died. I wanted one of them to step up and be more like Dr. Reich. Dr. Reich recognized the need for a major cultural shift in the priorities of the world and was willing to be the catalyzing force.  Orgone Therapists today: none have Dr. Reich's startling brilliance or historical synchronicity. No one wants to die in prison, and I understand that Ike Dr. Reich. I was fortunate to have a great Therapist and realize that as I hear him continually directing me. Other Orgone type Therapists I have met have been a disappointment; they have modified Dr. Reich's protocol.

I haven't found much information or historical records on the followers of Dr. Reich. Most of my information is through biographical reading of Dr. Reich, or from the Wilhelm Reich Museum, and through contact with different Therapists. If anyone has further information or would like to pursue dialogue with me or live videos with Dr. Reich's followers I would be interested.

As Dr. Reich moved from one country to another he trained Doctors in his present Therapy. As his Therapy changed often his Doctors changed. I have no idea who the Doctors he influenced in 1930's. Most would have been influenced by his first edition of widely influential book Character Analysis. There are some Doctors in Norway who are still using Dr. Reich's Therapy, Vegeotherapy.

In the late 1940's Dr. Reich had developed his Orgone Theories and had discovered the many breakthroughs that would revolutionize his Therapy. Unfortunately the Therapy is difficult and depends on a thorough realization by the Therapists, which in unpracticed hands could bring out social difficulties. The dissolving of Character is a long and difficult process and often when unfinished leads to major difference of opinions. There were many Therapists learning from Dr. Reich who would never  finish Orgone Therapy, never less start there own incomplete version, and after Dr. Reich's death argue how to further continue Dr. Reich's work.

 Dr. Baker, well respected Orgone therapist, author of Man in The Trap, and the founder of the American College Of Orgonomy. The first difficulty I have with Dr. Baker is his Eulogy at the Funeral of Dr. Reich. For me it is pathetically under appreciative, lacks any passion. How can a memoriam be so dry: a tumultuous time that needed an overwhelming acknowledgement.
After Dr. Baker's book came out Dr. Raphael sued Dr. Baker. I wouldn't say that Dr. Raphael law suit against Dr. Baker was hidden but usually there is difficulty learning about it. 

 
"Dolarhyde bore screams as a sculptor bears dust from the beaten stone,"( Red Dragon Thomas Harris pg. 99) Dr. Baker and his followers are cold; the loss of empathy causes an inappropriate anger. The Therapists role is to awaken the flow yet not lose his humanity by sleeping, wearing headphones or leaving the room. The Orgone Therapist must see the patient as more than dust. I have known many Dr. Bakers patients and all have a hair trigger, quick to anger. They feel it's OK to use any situation to unleash held in old anger.

Another influential Therapist, Fritz Perls, the Founder Of Gestalt Therapy and a former Wilhelm Reich patient and student. As a consultant for Mendocino Hospitable he often would help with patients. He was  known to be startlingly perceptive. The patient would often be so amazed and would go into temporary shock. The other Therapists found it difficult to integrate the analysis. I didn't have personal contact with Dr. Perls but was often at Mendocino Hospitable as a volunteer.  

I was fortunate to begin work five blocks from Dr. Myron Sharaf. As a young man he was an early translator, and part of the inner circle for Dr. Reich and wrote a biography of  Dr. Reich, Fury On Earth, a fascinating read.
Later when I compared my Therapy with Dr. Sharaf's I was surprised that he didn't use Dr. Reich's classic approach that was so effective with me. In asking Dr. Sharaf why he didn't use Dr. Reich's approach, he said, "because it didn't work for him". Ultimately I saw this statement as being contradictory as in all his talks Dr. Sharaf was very insightful of Dr. Reich's Therapy. 

I also sat with a Therapist from Argentina who had studied with an Italian Orgonmist. He had his own take on Dr. Reich's Therapy. He used  his eyes forcefully to make mutual eye Orgone contact. Though it was somewhat effective it was not body oriented, and definitely didn't use Orgone Therapy.

I saw a Therapist from the Dr. Herskowitz School. Dr. Herskowitz  had been in Therapy with Dr. Reich. This particular therapist, a women, was well meaning and talented and again not hands on. 

Other Therapies can still be helpful in there own way and each can help unlocking the addictive tragedy. The path to knowledge is not straight. Though I hold critical views I know it would be silly not to to try other Therapists if Orgone Therapists are not available.

I was fortunate to have Dr. Rinn as my therapist. He had been in Therapy with Dr. Albert Duval who had been in Therapy with Dr. Reich and practiced Orgone Therapy as developed by Dr. Reich. Dr. Duval had moved to L.A.. There is controversy about Dr. Duval's practice. I believe the problems are when  the patient does not want to experience past abuse.

Dr. Rinn and Orgone Therapy saved my life. Dr. Rinn put up with my young, armored character. Looking back I am completely amazed by his perception.