Monday, September 23, 2024

Afterwood


Did you get the love you needed as a baby, as a child as a adult? If you did you will quickly leave this blog. This blog is for those who chose an addictive pleasure to block the abuse that was infected on their life. Addictions are dangerous, damaging, and depressing. The addictive desire for emotional  release, to feel pleasure is remarkably difficult to stop and hard to to understand.

Having been in Psychiatric Orgone Therapy, and continually practicing the therapy on myself, I noticed that everyone I met was addicting to find excitement. I wrote this blog to understand why we choose addictions. In the blog I examine  my past with Orgone Therapy and Dr. Wilhelm Reich's heroic life, and the Psychiatric Orgone Therapy he developed to help people who have lost  their way to a balanced life. 


“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”Freud

Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Orgone and Addiction

 

Addiction

 Addiction is the center of my writings based on Dr. Wilhelm Reich's Work. A desperate need to change must be accessed to resolve addiction. As important, the chosen therapy must produce immediate results. The patient must leave the session feeling saved, understood, relieved and hopeful that an answer has been found.

Enclosed are some clips from my writings.

Mrs. Wilson worked her fear. We were controlled but our silent acknowledgement led to being covert, and unified. We would pool our money and sneak out to buy candy that we would share. That sugar rush that added to my food addiction. Candy, foods are an important distraction: boredom, controlled deadness could be perverted. A saving evil.

I looked at the white covering. It was  so sweet and the bread soft. I liked the attention. I liked the sweetness, it spread through me;  I was different, better. Later I knew why I would eat to feel different, special, an addict.

The baby has taken some control of his life at a tremendous cost. Control feels like you can survive and often during your life control is the difference between life and death. Control is a necessary skill that all of us need to wear like a coat . A coat that is up to us to put on or take off. The problem with control is when control starts at an early age and gets reinforced by further trauma than control becomes chronic and becomes a character formation. Control that is chronic stimulates a need for addictive release because it is not removable by the individual except by an outside addictive lifestyle. 


Life is movement. Like an amoeba, human beings' energy can be pulsing. Addiction is the substitution of a shallow pulse for life's satisfying primary pulse.
Children are born with the primary pulse and it is a natural unconscious reflex. As natural as a bird flying. From day one children feel the threat of cessation, of their pulse, as an immediate threat to their survival. Closing down by contracting the muscles allows a feeling of calmness to occur. The price for peacefully fitting in is the loss of flowing Orgone (energetic purpose). Addiction becomes a way of finding some small level of  excitement.  

Dr. Reich used the gag reflex.. Put your finger softly in your throat to illicit the gag reflex. Don't push it down, tickle your throat. The gag reflex will unlock your compressed lungs. Your holding them flat by not breathing fully causing armor. You'll feel the release,and orgone moving to the surface of your body. Ultimately this will show you how Orgone moves. It is the most important information on Orgone movement when you have no idea what Orgone feels like. Its knowledge that you've repressing Orgone. Now you'll know that there is an unconscious, a forgotten memory. Until you express the contraction it stays contracted and forgotten. Becoming aware one is confusing addictions excitement with opening a compressed body allows natural, conscious Orgone excitement, The need for unhealthy choices lessens.

Work seems to be the addiction of our culture. Work is a slippery slope. Survival built into work can easily be justified by long hours, and excuses that seem reasonable. I have no time for reading; I have heard often enough or I am fine. Actually I have said versions of these myself. I worked 60 hours a week and had little time for  introspection and less time for meaningful connection. A deep rooted fear of losing control of my status and not receiving the attention I needed for survival had driven me to overwork. The culture of the West added to this crowning effect by giving work success all the rewards of a hero returning from battle

Accessing my Orgone, my core allowed me to understand my character; the ways I hold myself, the way I handle emotions, my tension. Being neglected, left out, ignored in the past will lead to addiction. Not achieving acknowledgement from the family, fairness from the culture, leads to seeking pleasure from addictions. Hidden family abusive memories have been forgotten and addictions keep them buried. Mapped in your Orgone flow, your posture your restricted breath, gives us a reference point to chart our goals. 

Friday, April 12, 2024

Shock Motherless

  


No one was there.
I laid there addicted to
The sunshine. I would wait it
Out.

I went on.
I didn't know there would be a murderous 
Late payment
Anorgonia.



Anorgonia is the overwhelming  difficulty of adult's buried Orgone to express the abuse, lack of validation, and physical neglect of ones early family. Dr. Reich summarizes his Anorgonia cases in The Cancer Biopathy. 


I felt different. One that had been drugged. I could see but that was it.  I couldn't survive. I finally emoted. The earliest emotions needed to be expressed. The anorgonia was the frozen fear of the old reality that was toxic. Orgone Therapy is the body expressing emotions. awakening. The muscular orgone will cause a stiffness that alerts consciousness to breathe and know that change has happened and you are alive and not dying. It was not a straight line but it didn't feel dangerous until now.

Devastating is that me?  It is push, reach out and disappear. It is ugly. When telling the truth is frightening. Orgone pushes forward and then back. Going to get hit. Saying I'm here and you're going to get hit. The answer from them is devastating, it's cellular.  There is no body, no Orgone, just words by the walking dead. In therapy reliving this tragedy is overwhelming: life missed. It is a hole that I fell into. I disappeared. Then I released uncontrollable addictions hiding in secondary emotions. What I needed, wanted was flesh closeness. Not getting  life saving closeness causes a flattening, a stilling. Symbolically, and physically it's a no body. As an adult that is a fall, a reminder of being an abused baby. I cannot stand without a body.
 
The first armor, the earliest, happens in the womb, the tongue gets depressed, holding all the Orgone flat. Control is stillness. Then born without loving hands, no soft warm breast will lead to collapse, a fall. It is a free fall without Orgone. I went into hibernation. I never woke to Orgone. and I lived with a diminished self. It is a black hole of disappearance. 


It was dangerous accessing my earliest neglect. A solid abuse lived in me. Orgone stayed buried in the past. Now I know the difference. My disappearing Orgone was no mother, no loving contact. When remembered as an adult, it was finally an Emotional Plague. That was what saved me. A held in discomfort. Orgone Therapy's knowledge told me to emote, breathe. A memory that made me move, to emote the neglect and not lay there comatose waiting for mother to come. She didn't come. She was the walking Emotional Plague. She could not give me closeness which would have activated my body.


You cannot change the past; you can react to the past. Orgone reemerging. That is the struggle, reenergizing as an adult. The parts of you that were needed to hide must be seen, experienced, and expressed. Those first few years needed to be super secure. Mother must be lovingly shared. If not, the baby's cellular response is contraction, automatic. The thorough disappearance of adult pleasure is the earliest abuse emerging

The bodies Orgone will open up constricted plasma. Make sure you have paid attention to opening up the body by reaching to closed parts. The soreness will let you know that your opening buried Orgone.  The key is learning how to breathe, emote, and inch by inch, experiencing plasma motility in the body. Breathing deeply should not be tiring. Breathing is the communication  that induces Orgone movement. Breathing elicits a satisfied knowing of the effortless instinctual movement of the respiratory process. Ultimately allows one to become aware of the orgone movement, emotions, and begin to experience pleasure.


It is life or death and I had to find Orgone, let Orgone direct me. Not having  the Orgone moving is armored. Its the Emotional Plague. It is an addiction expressing secondary emotions through a perverted release. It is dangerous. The life missed is misery, welcomes death. Instead do what you learned. move. Overcoming that sinking, horrendous outcome is an instinctual expression of pleasure. Through therapy Orgone has slowly awakened and now Orgone moves. I moved. Culmination, pleasure returns. Know that being alive is the wonders of feeling Orgone. Anorgonia is  past abuse. Orgone streaming is pleasure that wipes out the desire to die.

The mother has to awaken the baby by one to one closeness, breastfeeding like all animals. This validation allows the baby to expand and contract. As an adult experiencing anorgonia has no conscious pulse, no contraction. You have to practice being reborn: practice emoting, practice contraction. Otherwise  Orgone is forgotten, a black hole, a dead sun.


Orgone knowledge is essential when you have anorgonia. The abuses are deep and unconscious. Practicing the Gag reflex that is taught in Orgone Therapy helps to identify the hidden deep cellular stillness. As recommended by Dr. Reich. an essential to alleviating anorgonia is to sit in an orgone accumulator or be covered by an Orgone Blanket. As one is going through awareness it becomes evident that  shallow breathing has lowered Orgone in the body. One needs to respond to the overwhelming old abusive feelings overtaking consciousness. Having  Orgone recharge from these amazing orgone accumulators will keep you in balance. 

The spontaneity of my new motility has fuller consciousness of Orgone's surprise movements. Orgone movement is alive with its own timing, integrating old abuse. Orgone is the bigger part of me that I suppressed. Breathing is atmospheric Orgone communicating with one's lungs motility: it is pleasure, it is realization.  Orgone is life's expansion: Orgasm reflex seeking superimposition. 


For further information see Cosmic Superimposition by Wilhelm Reich  Pg. 216, 217




Friday, February 23, 2024

Dr. Reich Video

Captures my experience of Dr. Reich.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKiK5afXYgg


Are You Healthy?

Dr. Reich asked Myron Sharaf, on their first meeting.

The question has huge meaning. 

Dr. Reich was immediately evaluating Myron Sharaf's health by verbal and Orgone projection. Having healthy, dedicated colleagues was needed to balance the work. The knowledge that was needed would encompass all aspects of love for your fellow humans. When the Orgone has no restrictions than spontaneity feels honest, wholesome, and integral. Hence are you healthy? 

Dr. Reich was a humanitarian. By the very nature of his work, his empathy for human sickness was paramount. Our  world is filled with the Emotional Plague. The danger of humans misery and poor choices was Dr. Reichs healing pursuit. 

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

Grieven

 My mother didn't have much to do with me. I was the third child and my mother only had energy for two. My dad was at work, and was left on my own. My mother cooked for my father. She was old schooled that way. She would perform all her wifely duties, as long as he was  providing. 

 I was the helper when Mom went shopping, Sawdust on the floor that was the butcher shop. Chicken's in the back in cages and the blue flames . An odd smell. Later I realized it was the burnt feathers. Blue flames were always on. No words between me and my Mom. I was there to help. She could have been anyone. I was bored except for the blue dreams.. 

Usually during the winter I would not be outside. No one was out to play. My mother was cooking. So I stood and watched. It could be chicken soup with eggs that were still in the chicken. Making blintzes was my favorite. She would mix together flour, milk and egg and presto, a blintz. I would get the broken ones. Chopped liver was not a favorite. It had a strong taste. Schmaltz, chicken fat, would be added. Then the secret onion recipe. Onion chopped and slowly cooked till they were dark and brown. Crispy, crunchy, sweet . 

 Every Friday night was the big dinner. It was chicken soup, roast beef  and well done vegetables. There wasn't much gab. My family was a refugee family. Mom had come over from somewhere European. She never told me. My brother had more info. He thinks Poland. My sister was distant.The worst smell was cooked fishes, gefilter. If you ate it with horseradish it was bearable.

Though I miss  my family umbrella's safety, when I look at my Grandparents picture I am awakened to fear. My mother looked like my grandmother, a big round tank, and my Grandfather, thin, tight and held in. I can see the horrendous struggle they endured. I am thankful they survived. I never wanted to be them. and knew I was broken by them.

Grieven is onions cooked long, brown, crispy and sweet. When you're a Jew you have been used, abused, murdered, cooked, turned brown, thin,or huge to forget the abuse. Grief was held in till one way or another till it killed you. I grieve for all who have been abused.

A panacea can be insidious, it can be love. Being included in the family with nickel and dime love is abusive. The family by not allowing feelings to be expressed is depression. Love as control is the foundation of the Emotional Plague character. If control is all you get your release will be addiction. Being fearful to express anger, sadness, fear at not being heard leads to a loss of what it is to be a human animal. As an adult a failure to express yourself leads to dissatisfaction. The lack of Orgone movement and its Orgasm reflex will be buried in addictive confusion. On one's journey to self enlightenment the movement of Orgone often becomes confused with memories of childhood denial of expression. The families memories needs to be dredged up and fear, anger, sadness expressed. In my case I sat down with my mother and told her how I felt and what I experienced.Though she denied everything and wrote me out of her will, I felt I had found my integrity.

The need for loves singular connection arises spontaneously. The hard work has been done and Orgone knows being alive seeks shared flow into another with all the breath, the smells, the glory of completion. Though love never happened with my family, love symbiosis is built directly into Orgone; the fusion is ultimate wisdom.

 


Leonard Cohen knows love is written into our being. 



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM7vULqs31Q


Sunday, February 4, 2024

Anthem

 I walked many streets.

Saw without seeing 

 Particularly trees.

Lost in S.F..


The trunk was thick 

Held the wild branches. I

Saw how

Soon the leaves would

Be like thoughts. 

The roots stretching

To hold others.


.He entered my life

And graciously tore

Me apart.


Children reminding me how to be.

By the school 

Letting loose. 

I hear them say

This is the way it should be.


The ocean can roll you.

The sea can take you.

But stars shine bright within

You, when male and female become one.


Monday, January 8, 2024

Nothing I Can Do About It

 47

Was the year my wife was born.

Now dead.

These past weeks every random page,

47 appears.

Innumerable times.

Coincidence?

Its not happenstance,

Nor serendipity,

Definitely not synchronicity.

Today leaving a parking lot

The license plate was

Hi 47.


Friday, October 27, 2023

Reworking The Body

The closer the future victim is to the Kingdom of God with his knowledge, the surer will he be chosen to be murdered by the pestilent character. All this goes on with no single soul, not even the murderer himself, being aware of what is happening. From The Murder of Christ Dr. Wilhelm Reich.


Finally loosening the armor by being out of control the murderer feels correct. He goes on not knowing what he truly is doing. Secondary emotions arise from a contracted abused body. A perverted release. Having a confused reality is directly proportionate to your contracted body. In early life I, you, had plenty of Orgone. No problem existing with my own emotional plague, armor. Now as I am older my Orgone has diminished and unlocking bad posture is hard. Muscles have settled in. It is important to get to posture as early as possible. It means understanding why I bent different muscles into difficult alignments 

Releasing the contractions releases Orgone. Orgone is the the intricate connections keeping everything else working. Consciousness is held down by contraction. Only part of my moving forward was moving forward. A huge unknown had split off and was holding down my speaking up. Being numb to my dysfunctional family kept me unconscious, ignorant. Over time the holding molded my posture. Being held in by poor posture leads to low Orgone, and a body that feels solid as a piece of wood. All of this was unknown to me. I had lots of Orgone when I was young. It comes with being a child. But as you age the Orgone begins to diminish.

Sometimes I am crippled by years of neglect. Did my father beat me? Hell yes. Did my brother sneak punch me in my face. Yes. My mother withheld touch, closeness, and inflected inappropriate  revenge on the whole family. She released her anger, her screaming voice, by ignoring me or not allowing me to have a connection that retarded my consciousness. She amazed me by stealing my money. I was in  in shock. But that notorious split occurred. My unconscious took over and bent my body in different ways to still the Orgone and not react to the dangerous abuse, and my Orgone's given purpose. 

Becoming aware that posture is not stiff, not mechanical, makes walking, a moving balance, enjoyable. Breathing is awareness that your in your body. On the inhale your contracting the diaphragm muscle and taking in Orgone, oxygen. On the exhale your relaxing the diaphragm and Orgone is flowing, Each breath moves the Orgone. It's subtle Orgone yet overwhelming. The movement of Orgone reminds you were once were flowing Orgone. 

 John Lennon took a rocket ship to his truth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMewtlmkV6c

When plasmatic motility happens than one's childhood  flourishes right into present day. Continual Orgone flow means knowing contact, connection within and without is one's true destiny. Even with a twisted body love is a wonder.


Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Now

Why is being present difficult? When your in the now you don't knock glasses off the table and food doesn't doesn't drip on your shirt. After hundreds of mistakes, over countless years I paid attention. I wanted to feel my Orgone streaming. I wasn't in the now. 

I realized I was moving hands, my feet without first looking. I was somewhere else. I liked not being present. Its a defense I used growing up. I couldn't change their neglect. Left to my own devices was limited. Neglected left me contracted. TV was my view. Consciousness didn't develop. I wound up for many reasons with an over developed mental chatter that as an adult occupied me. especially when stressed. My solution was tied to paying attention with my eyes. First look where I'm  going and then move. The chatter reduced, also that voice that was seeking solutions became evident, evaluating possibilities. Fewer miscues.  

Being in the now was a fantastic surprise. Moving after I looked took me out of a unconscious dream state, like William Blake said "like the doors of perception were cleansed" into a rich three dee present. The now appeared suddenly. It does take effort to change and not always successful. Old habits die hard. 

The now reminds that being in auto pilot means that you're not experiencing full consciousness. It's a defense mechanism to avoid a forgotten abusive past. 

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Successful Failure

In the western culture, attention, survival, is dependent on success. Being successful can lead to an arrogant pleasure. Success, at an early age, leads to some Orgone filling and a self righteous attitude that confirms that nothing is wrong. Social species find security and pleasure in attention and success.    Attention moves Orgone and the possibility of deeper pleasure. I am a successful and I make the rules, reassuring the Emotional Plague. People who are addicted to success, never focus on their behavior and have no idea about armor, addiction. Their successful and that confirms reassures their attitude, their character.

 Addictive choices become a substitute for exploring help. Women are beautiful and are instinctive and find the attention addictive; men are in comparison homely and doers and use their competitive drive to attract women, all leading to substitute addictions. Men need to be out seeking sovereignty; it is hard to come by in our economy. Women are attracted to success as it guarantees security, home, a place for children. After experimental sex both sexes realize their sexual dysfunction and focus on success which hide deep seated disturbances. Sex is a primary drive and can not be a substituted by babies, money or celibacy. 

The sex conundrum began in a restrictive childhood. Adults largeness can frighten spontaneous connections with the baby. Adults stillness is experienced as threatening. The baby's Orgone becomes isolated, or physically or emotionally abused. Not able to experience or know pleasure, the choice is successful work. Addictions becomes a way out that needs to be continually repeated. Work becomes ones success and refuge. Ultimately the relationship reminds you that success without satisfaction is failure.