Now

Why is being present difficult? When your in the now you don't knock glasses off the table and food doesn't doesn't drip on your shirt. After hundreds of mistakes, over countless years I paid attention. I wanted to feel my Orgone streaming. I wasn't in the now. 

I realized I was moving hands, my feet without first looking. I was somewhere else. I liked not being present. Its a defense I used growing up. I couldn't change their neglect. Left to my own devices was limited. Neglected left me contracted. TV was my view. Consciousness didn't develop. I wound up for many reasons with an over developed mental chatter that as an adult occupied me. especially when stressed. My solution was tied to paying attention with my eyes. First look where I'm  going and then move. The chatter reduced, also that voice that was seeking solutions became evident, evaluating possibilities. Fewer miscues.  

Being in the now was a fantastic surprise. Moving after I looked took me out of a unconscious dream state, like William Blake said "like the doors of perception were cleansed" into a rich three dee present. The now appeared suddenly. It does take effort to change and not always successful. Old habits die hard. 

The now reminds that being in auto pilot means that you're not experiencing full consciousness. It's a defense mechanism to avoid a forgotten abusive past.